Friday, July 10, 2015
The uncertainty of birth often complicates our plans as well as others.
We see the medical field seek to add a semblance of order into the disorder of birth, much to the detriment often of mothers.
I read a quote recently that no matter how we birth, someone will judge us. The only thing we can do is educate ourselves on what is the best birth for us.
This is so true. Birth plans must be fluid. They change with the circumstances and the needs of ourselves and our babies.
There are times we have to embrace a plan that we didn't want for the safety of our babies. Often, our minds can tell us that this is a failure.
I would love to encourage you to think of it as a triumph. You are going into this experience of birth with a goal of giving birth to your baby. You will do what it takes to do that. You wish to have the best mental health, physical health and each step will be carefully considered.
As the changes come up in your birth plan, remind your support before hand, "I wish to be reminded that I can ask for 5-15 minutes to think that over."
This helps stop a lot of medical bullying at the hands of care providers that do not even realize they are doing it. If it is an emergency, they will let you know then, but most of the time, they will realize they can give you that time.
So, what is the key to birth?
It is feeling supported, educated and therefore putting you in the drivers seat, instead of along for the ride. When you are in that driver's seat, you will handle whatever blocks come down the road as you have the steering wheel and the brakes.
Yes, sometimes accidents happen for which you will have to deal with at a later date. Accidents are called that for a reason. They are not on purpose.
Birth can be something you are in the drivers seat for. But remember your team that works with you. Your support team, your care providers and family should be along for the ride, encouraging you.
Saturday, April 25, 2015
The swirling juices in my stomach threatened to overflow into my mouth as I overheard this statement. I struggled to keep my knees steady, even as the room swirled around me. "It is not my business. It is not my circus, not my monkeys." I reminded myself as I maintained my composure and sought to keep smiling.
Why such a strong response to a simple statement?
Wednesday, January 14, 2015
We all know that parenting, pregnancy and anything related involves a myriad of options that face us. From the moment we see the positive pregnancy test, the options are slamming us in the face. <p>
Doctor or Midwife? <p>
Early Ultrasound or skip it? <p>
Unassisted Birth, Home Birth, Birth Center, Hospital? <p>
And the tasks, tests, decisions are laid out for us as we travel down this new path. And, although I hate to be the one to tell you, the decisions do not stop with the birth of your child.
So, how do you make an educated decision? Search the internet? Talk to your friends?
First, tread carefully. Too much info can be overwhelming. Start with determining what you think you want. Write it down.
Secondly, find a care provider you can trust. This is essential. OB/Gyn's, Midwives and other care providers go to school to learn about pregnancy and there are some amazing ones out there. They can help guide you to the right sources often. The key is finding one you click with. When choosing a good care provider, you want to find some check lists that line up with what you want, what you think you want and then what you actually want! Clear as mud?
A provider and you may take time to click, but if they disregard your thoughts from the beginning, this is not a good sign. It tells you that you feel that working towards natural childbirth is important to you and you want a provider that will listen and educate. If the provider explained, offered info on pain management in labor, and choosing natural childbirth, that would be having the option to make an educated choice.
This is only the beginning of making educated choices. A doula can really help you as well, guiding you to the right places to find the education you need. The support a doula can offer while walking through the process can make it feel like you are in the driver's seat throughout, instead of along for the ride.
Wednesday, October 29, 2014
There are the posts about natural birth, parenting, co-sleeping, tummy sleeping, and parents that defend their choice from everything and anything.
If a person says anything, even in a kind way, certain parents tend to take offense. Instead of perhaps evaluating the concern, seeing it was not something you need to be worried about and letting it go, we seem to easily take offense these days.
Oh, I know. I know there are rabid people out there that will jump down your throat for small things, especially online. I think it is especially good to remember that not everyone that says something is that way.
- Listen to the comment. Is this a comment that could possibly be helpful to you? Is it simply an ignorant statement from someone that does not know your circumstances? If so, smile politely, thank them for their concern and move past it. There is no need to lambast them online or judge them in return. They may have though they were doing what was best. We also do not know their circumstances that led them to comment. For the purpose of example… Greta was a new mom. She told her support team and her friends she desired to breastfeed. They knew this and supported her in her goals. However, when they observed some choices she was making with her new baby, they were unsure of what to do. A) Mention them to Greta so that breastfeeding could possibly still be successful, or B) Ignore it until she came to them for advice. This is a hard choice as sometimes, as a support team, care providers or even casual friends, you can see things a mom cannot. There are sometimes simple things you can fix that can make the breastfeeding relationship that much harder or that much easier. When the friends and support team chose the B option, Greta did come to her friends when her baby was 8 weeks old. She was suffering from guilt and mild PPD after believing her body let her down and she was unable to breastfeed her baby. Her friends felt guilty as maybe they could have prevented it, and Greta said "Why didn't you tell me? I would have loved to try everything I could have." Another option would be they chose option A. They let her know some simple things she could change. Greta became defensive, and cut off communication, believing they were judging her for her choices. She was secretly disappointed that breastfeeding did not go well, but instead read some of the articles about judgmental moms, friends, and medical provider and chose to focus on that instead. When she struggled with mild PPD later, she had no one she felt comfortable to turn to and wondered why life was so lonely, but figured she just needed to make new friends that could support her choice not to breastfeed. There are a million variations that could have happened with either choice, but in both cases, Greta had the same results, but in both, she felt she lacked support. Did she lack support or did she choose to not be educated? Her friends in option A, were not trying to be unsupportive, in fact, they were trying to support what she had told them was her desire. Top that off with strong hormones and you have to realize that when you feel offended by an opinion that may be given to you. Stop. Process. Evaluate. And lastly…Educate Yourself. See if what they are saying could be true. If it is not, toss it out and move on. If it is, thank them and see what you can do about it. We as moms need support, and sometimes we reject the closest support to us because of hormonal issues.
Friday, October 17, 2014
Labor, Delivery, and Saying "No"- 5 more interventions We refuse
I found this post contained some fascinating info on why heavier babies do better in school later. I think that it might have more to do with full term babies, than their weight though.
Heavier Babies do Better in School
We all know choosing a birth control that is right for us is tough! See how likely it is that your birth control may let you down.
How likely is it your birth control will let you down?
Tuesday, July 22, 2014
I find that often when a client is writing up a birth plan, you should keep it short, to the point, covering the important things, but also realize this is more for you. It is a reminder for you more than anyone to be able to remember your plans and desires.
But, what if your naturally planned birth doesn't go as planned? Babies and pregnancy is unpredictable, and often little things happen that require an intervention. Does this mean your birth plan is useless? I would answer and say no, if you have following my recommendations.
When you write up your birth plan, most women that are planning a natural birth include that they want a Hep-lock instead of an I.V. What happens if that I.V is needed? Does that mean you throw out the whole plan?
An I.V is needed in the case of an epidural, or a c-section to get enough fluids to prevent your blood pressure from dropping too low and in the case of blood loss at times. However, if you are not to that step yet, it is okay to ask to wait an hour or two, to decide on that, even when you feel you need an intervention.
I believe there is a tendency to try to feel like everything needs to be decided right now. Then when you do decide to go ahead with an intervention, if it is not an emergency, often hospitals do not move very quickly. You are left with a lot of time to think about your decision.
In the case where you are faced with an unplanned c-section, I would really advise everyone to write out a short plan on c-sections.
For example, if you have a doula, talk to the care provider about having your doula in the c-section with you. It can make a huge difference in your mental recovery if you have support from more than just your husband in a c-section. Often, first it is scary to be taken to a surgical room, treated suddenly like a surgical patient, rather than them listening to your needs and you need someone that is focused on you and not the baby, (which your husband will be focused on the baby).
They can talk you through it, what is happening and stay with you if there is a problem with the baby. Sometimes, when things go awry, it seems like there is a higher likelihood of something happening with the baby, where they need to be separated from you. This can be really scary for a mom that is strapped down to a table, your husband walks across the room to be with the baby and is trying to tell you what is going on, but his mouth is covered by a mask and you don't know what he is saying. The panic sets in and complications can occur.
Many surgeons do not think about this. They are surgeons for a reason. They often like their patients sedated and do not think of their mental health in a surgery. For this reason, you need to plan ahead. Plan for support if you think there is a possibility of surgery, confirm and discuss with the care provider ahead of time that you will be having an extra support person. If they talk about how they only allow one person, there is not room etc. etc. You will need to push a bit. They allow students in surgeries all the time. They are generally concerned about liability if someone passes out. Make sure your support person is skilled and has attended surgery before, and has no history of fainting.
I have worked in different hospitals and found it curious that the one that is touted as the most "natural" has the worst policies as far as doulas and c-sections. It was as if they were naturally minded until you needed intervention and then they threw out all of that, and figured it was all a moot point.
I am going to be working on some education on that for the community benefit, but I am not exactly sure how it will happen.
For you, remember natural birth or not, if you educate yourself on all the options, give yourself the chance to make the decision, you will feel better about your choices. If you feel like you are simple taking their word for it, you will be feeling more out of control with your decisions.
Stay in charge of your birth, interventions or not. If they have a policy against something, educate yourself on those ahead of time.
Wednesday, April 2, 2014
This could pertain to anything from baby wearing to breastfeeding. I heard one mom claim that attachment parenting was a fad, a new fad, in fact. She was actually using biblical reasons for forgoing this "fad".
I would love to actually discuss and bring to the forefront that actually, some of the other parenting methods are the fads. The key components of attachment parenting have been around long before this century. I think that the idea AP is coming back around is more because it is what was done and is still done in many countries around the world. I used to stare at the foreign women that lived in the city, where I lived, trying to figure out how they kept that young child on their backs. I worked hard, outside on a piece of land, and had no place to set my baby down that was safe and longed for a way to safely wear him, just to keep him safe.
Baby wearing has been around since bible times. So has bed sharing. If you go to any historical forts and look at their sleeping arrangements, you will find that most pioneers and in history people were not as finicky about room and bed sharing as we are as spoiled Americans that believe we "need" our privacy. It didn't effect their marriage relationships too much. I think they had to use their imaginations a bit more. I have been in old cabins where there was one bed, very large bed above the oven for the whole family. Sometimes that included the grandparents as well.
This is not a fad. Much of it is going back to the roots of society.
However, I believe that above all, you need to make sure to check your heart in all things. But just because you have a wrong heart attitude about something, doesn't make it something wrong to do. I remember a mother telling me that she felt sewing had become an idol for her, so she was going to stop doing it. At that time, their family had no money, she had boxes of fabric and her children were wearing very worn out clothes. She chose to let them wear the worn clothing because she felt she had to give up her idol of sewing. I struggled with being obsessed with cooking. I remember thinking about it when my friend gave up sewing that perhaps I should step back from cooking. I immediately checked myself! I needed to change my heart attitude, not what I was doing. The same with attachment parenting...which was named by modern society. If your heart is not right about it, change it. But it doesn't make the actions of it wrong.
You want to battle it out?
There are plenty of mothers that will battle it out for you! Put 'em up!
Sleep training and the actual definition of the term "Cry-it-out" can bring up a lot of interesting thoughts. In 1985, Dr. Richard Ferber wrote a book about getting your babies to sleep. New mothers loved some of his ideas as it was formed to give them more sleep. His idea was that you can teach your babies to soothe themselves to sleep, rather than the traditional rocking the baby to sleep. This article from BabyCenter explains some of the ideas contained in the book. Here is another article by the author himself...The Truth about Ferberizing
Society was changing from the '70's where it went to some of the earth loving, peace loving, freedom society and parents were realizing that they were having to work two jobs, mothers didn't have time to cook, rock babies and they just were mostly too busy for it all. Ferberizing gave them the freedom to lay down the baby, ignore it, check to make sure he was okay occasionally, but mostly, you let the baby cry until he realized you were not coming for him, he gave up and went to sleep. This method is portrayed to work on every child, if done right.
However, Dr. Ferber has said that he did not agree with this (letting the child cry to no end). But still, much of what is in his book is still widely used by parents today, usually the ones that are sleep deprived, but occasionally, the selfish parent that is just done with the child.
I discovered in my research that some of Dr. Ferber's ideas were actually based on a book from the late 1800's. It is available on Gutenburg for free, if you are interested in reading it. The Care and Feeding of Children by L. Emmett Holt, M.D., LL.D.
The book is very interesting, but most of us would shudder in horror at what was advanced thinking at that time in child care and feeding. Yet, he was trying to encourage society for the best. This was addressing a more formal society, not the tribeswoman or pioneers that wore their babies, slept in a common room and breastfeeding was just second nature.
Many people will look back on past methods and claim "Those babies survived. My grandparents survived drinking cows milk at the age of 3 months, being aired outside in cages, and the like. Why can we say that it is not healthy now?" We have to look at the statistics as well. Infant mortality was much higher as well with this type of diets. Women gave birth to babies that were smaller, had faster deliveries often, but also lost a lot of children. It is common to also read books and families would have 2-4 living children, but gave birth to 8-10.
This is a book on infant mortality as far as it related to the occupation of the mother. Infant Mortality and It's relation to the employment of mothers.
If you read book that was by Jennifer Worth, the woman that wrote the books which inspired the "Call the Midwife" TV series. The books detail in very clear pictures, the issues that faced society, not all that long ago, where they were pushing some of the regimented schedules, feedings, and lack of care that women and children faced.
When we are evaluating a parenting style for ourself or others, let's be careful to look at a complete picture. Are we moving forward or going backward? Are we simply cycling around? Is baby-wearing a fad or something that promotes healthier babies for convenience?
When we seek info on a parenting decision, do we simply look to the internet for opinion based posts, or do we look to science based posts? Do we evaluate our decision based on society or what is really best for our own individual child?
Be careful not to parent through emotion, religious ideals or even sleep deprivation. Make sure to evaluate daily what we are doing for our children as they grow.