Thursday, August 13, 2015

9 Tips For a Happier Pregnancy

When in my mind I hear the terms "Happier Pregnancy" I see one of those stock photos of a pregnant woman, dressed in white, resting in luxury on  a sofa.  That doesn't quite fit with what the reality of pregnancy often is.

Pregnancy was not the easiest road for me. It was happy, because I was going to have a baby. It was difficult because of everything else that came along with that happy fact.

So based on my experiences, both as a doula, but primarily as a mother that has been pregnant four times, here are my nine tips.

1. Don't push yourself.

 It is so easy to revert to the norms of push until it burns that we have in our everyday lives. This especially pertains to exercise. Exercise is so healthy for you in pregnancy, but if it is hurts, stop. Pushing yourself when your ligaments are relaxing can result in injuries, excessive pain and other fun things to recover from. This is where some of the old wives tales can actually come true as well. Regular exercise that is encouraged by your care provider as being safe is excellent. But listen to your body!

2. Don't obsess about weight gain. 

 Period. Yes, you should not be gaining too much weight. You also should not be gaining too little weight. Remind yourself throughout the process that weight gain is normal and healthy in pregnancy. Low pregnancy weight gain used to be encouraged, until as far  I can find, in the late 1950's to early 1970's the ideas were studied as links to birth defects, issues with low birth weight babies, early babies among others were associated with the lack of pregnancy weight gain. Yes, it helped moms keep their figures, but at what cost?  On the other hand, it is not a time to go on a free for all. If you want to obsess about something, obsess about getting all the foods you need to nourish your baby and body.
Dr. Brewer has some good tips on a healthy diet.
There are other diet related tips that your OB or midwife may offer you.

3. Make sleep a priority whenever you can.
Don't plan evening activities. Plan on a nap time. If you have other little ones, tuck them in for a nap, either behind your legs so you can feel them if they move, or in a crib where you know they cannot escape. If they are not sleeping, this can be the time to utilize those electronics.
Lack of sleep can make you feel sicker during pregnancy, but also you need more sleep while pregnant as well.

Antique Chamber Pot 
(Hopefully not something you will need in pregnancy)

4.  Use pregnancy to your advantage
It only lasts nine months, even though it feels like a lifetime at times. However, use it to your full advantage. While you do not want to be a spendthrift, buy some clothing you feel pretty in. Pregnancy can be an awkward time, and you need clothing that fits well so you don't feel bigger than what you are. A pretty bra or underclothing that is comfortable can be hard to find, but worth the time it takes to look. Just make sure to take regular breaks for water while shopping and wear supportive shoes.

5. Forgo high heels...
Yes, I know they might be all you wear, but for your long term posture and baby positioning, in the long run, you will happier without them. Find some cute shoes that are flats. This will help decrease chances of swelling in your feet and injuries as well. There are plenty of cute shoes that have a low heel or are flats that you can wear for the nine months!

6. Listen to your care provider 
There are times when a care provider will suggest you take an extra vitamin like Calcium and magnesium, or she may suggest walks, eating a different diet. While sometimes it can be hard to understand, or you feel they are not doing anything good for you, listen up! They have your long term health in mind. It can change your pregnancy when you do actually listen to these little things they suggest.

7. Hire Trained Labor Support

I don't just say this because I am a doula, I say this because I have seen what a difference it made for my own births. I have heard every reason in the book why some people don't need one. But in the end, you really will not know unless you try. However, some people think all doulas are crated equal, when this is not true. The best ones have some experience, are knowledgable, but won't make your birth their own. They will be there for you, through whatever happens, for your partner as well, but walk you through the hard and good times. The studies prove that women that have a trained support person have a more positive experience when they are done, no matter the outcome.

8. Plan on saving money for the unexpected
This has more to do with the postpartum period, but saving money during the pregnancy for a little help after the baby comes will make you feel safer and happier during the pregnancy. Money set aside for even things like pizza delivery, extra gas expenses, housecleaning or other odds and ends will really be helpful and give you peace of mind throughout the process.

9. Don't spend a ton of money

Often new parents will have a long list of items that are must haves for a baby. During pregnancy, it seems like you just think they add up. Just wait! Get the essentials. Diapers, basic layette, car seat, receiving blankets and wait for most of the rest. Baby stuff has a way of appearing on the scene when you need it if you let people know. Often it is because they spent a ton of money on it and never used it, or hardly used it. For me, an essential was a swing. My babies slept in a cradle like swing, and didn't use the crib. I am too short for a Boppy pillow, I never used a pump or a bottle, but I did end up wanting a pacifier sometimes. I needed to spend money on a good bra for me, I never used my big stroller hardly, but I used an umbrella stroller all the time. As you have the baby, you see what you really need and what you actually just want.  This can give you more peace in pregnancy and help you to organize the house a little easier.

So, happier already? Are you seeing yourself floating on a pool with your beautiful baby belly glistening in the sun?

Whether you are on a couch or in the pool (which is a good way to stay cool and exercise in the summer while pregnant), I hope this post gave you some ideas to make pregnancy a bit happier!

Saturday, August 1, 2015

If I have a midwife, why would I need a doula?

This question is often asked to doulas.

If you ask the same question to a midwife, you may get a variety of answers.
In the birth room, everyone has a job. The midwife is the care provider. While midwives are sometimes great with support, their primary job is to make sure that nothing goes wrong medically with you or baby.

This means that if there is any type of extra special event that requires her full attention, that is often when you need the most support. Often, by no fault of even an excellent midwife, she needs to focus her attention where it needs to be. However, this can make you feel a little lost at times.

One of the positives that have been proven show that doulas help is continuous care. This means we are not distracted by your medical care. Our only focus is on you and being there for you.

We have no other job. We will often neglect our own needs to be there for you.

Midwives are some of the most wonderful care providers in the world. However, everyone has a role to play and they are not doulas. While some can act as a wonderful support person, if they are in the role of care provider, they often cannot turn off that switch and you miss out on the key parts of having a doula.

Friday, July 10, 2015

The Key to Birth

We would all love to know what the perfect birth will be for us.
The uncertainty of birth often complicates our plans as well as others.

We see the medical field seek to add a semblance of order into the disorder of birth, much to the detriment often of mothers.

I read a quote recently that no matter how we birth, someone will judge us. The only thing we can do is educate ourselves on what is the best birth for us.

This is so true. Birth plans must be fluid. They change with the circumstances and the needs of ourselves and our babies.

There are times we have to embrace a plan that we didn't want for the safety of our babies. Often, our minds can tell us that this is a failure.

I would love to encourage you to think of it as a triumph. You are going into this experience of birth with a goal of giving birth to your baby.  You will do what it takes to do that. You wish to have the best mental health, physical health and each step will be carefully considered.

As the changes come up in your birth plan, remind your support before hand, "I wish to be reminded that I can ask for 5-15 minutes to think that over."

This helps stop a lot of medical bullying at the hands of care providers that do not even realize they are doing it. If it is an emergency, they will let you know then, but most of the time, they will realize they can give you that time.

So, what is the key to birth?

It is feeling supported, educated and therefore putting you in the drivers seat, instead of along for the ride. When you are in that driver's seat, you will handle whatever blocks come down the road as you have the steering wheel and the brakes.

Yes, sometimes accidents happen for which you will have to deal with at a later date. Accidents are called that for a reason. They are not on purpose.

Birth can be something you are in the drivers seat for. But remember your team that works with you. Your support team, your care providers and family should be along for the ride, encouraging you.

Saturday, April 25, 2015

Trusting Birth?

"I am having a home birth with just my husband. I am so excited to have it just the people there when the baby was conceived. I trust birth."

The swirling juices in my stomach threatened to overflow into my mouth as I overheard this statement. I struggled to keep my knees steady, even as the room swirled around me. "It is not my business. It is not my circus, not my monkeys." I reminded myself as I maintained my composure and sought to keep smiling.      

Why such a strong response to a simple statement?

Home is a peaceful place to give birth. 
I personally love home birth. It can be one of the safest places to give birth with a trained care provider. 
It can also be the cause of PTSD, which is what the statement above triggered for me. 
I had two unassisted home births. As I stated, I love home birth. I was naive and frankly to be honest, stubborn in my ideal that it was normal to give birth. Why did I need anyone else to help me? 

I have observed, as a doula many births now. I know that not all unassisted births will have trauma related to them. But the statement "I trust birth." can make a mom that has experienced trauma feel like a lesser person. "Birth" this entity has somehow forsaken her and let her down. 

Our bodies were created to give birth. However, in this world, there are many variables that can cause a birth to not go according to plan. A baby may somehow not be in the optimal position. Nutritional intake may not be ideal. Small things which are often discussed at prenatal appointments will often be missed when a woman participates in "Freebirthing", "Unassisted Birthing" or "Unattended Birthing". 

This is where a midwife can come in. 

A midwife should not be a last resort, or looked at as an unnecessary expense. 
While often I have heard the complaint when they just go in and do the same thing every prenatal appointment and they never have any red flags. "Why should I bother? Can't I skip one or two? Is this really needed?" If you have nothing they are catching, that is a good thing. It is often because you are doing regular prenatal care that you are doing okay. The small tips the midwife or OB gives you, those prevent problems if you listen to them. 

I figured that since I was educated, I could do my own prenatal care. I took my blood pressure, checked my urine, measured my uterus. I couldn't listen to the heart beat, but if I had had the equipment, I would have done that as well. The problem was, I missed some major components of the whole idea behind having a trained care provider. I was well educated, but I missed what extent my hyperemesis had on my long term health. My lack of nutrition was apparent in my complications postpartum and in my babies. After my second son, at five months of age, I broke my foot. The bone refused to heal from the high demands I had put on my body. When I gave birth, my skin was fragile and shredded was a nice term as to what happened to my perineum. It was linked to the lack of nutrition and prenatal care. 

You would think some of those things were common sense, but when you are pregnant, your mind is elsewhere. I struggled, in spite of all my learning and knowledge to follow what I knew was right. 

I never want to swallow bile because I am relieving my birth experience again at the words of another. 
I share this story with you as privacy was important to me. I longed to be alone while giving birth. However, I learned that a great, trained care provider can give you that same atmosphere, while at the same time helping provide a protection if an emergency occurs. 

No one should have to live with the aftermath that I did. 
Be wise in your choices. Listen to the experiences of others to protect yourself. 

Wednesday, January 14, 2015

Making Educated Choices

We often speak on making educated choices in pregnancy. What does this really mean?

We all know that parenting, pregnancy and anything related involves a myriad of options that face us. From the moment we see the positive pregnancy test, the options are slamming us in the face. <p>

Doctor or Midwife? <p>

Early Ultrasound or skip it? <p>

Unassisted Birth, Home Birth, Birth Center, Hospital? <p>

And the tasks, tests, decisions are laid out for us as we travel down this new path. And, although I hate to be the one to tell you, the decisions do not stop with the birth of your child.

Before you know it, you feel like you have been through a butter churn. You have some nausea (likely from the new pregnancy), but also from the pressure surrounding you on all sides.

So, how do you make an educated decision?  Search the internet? Talk to your friends?

First, tread carefully. Too much info can be overwhelming. Start with determining what you think you want. Write it down.

Secondly, find a care provider you can trust. This is essential. OB/Gyn's, Midwives and other care providers go to school to learn about pregnancy and there are some amazing ones out there. They can help guide you to the right sources often.  The key is finding one you click with. When choosing a good care provider, you want to find some check lists that line up with what you want, what you think you want and then what you actually want! Clear as mud?

Yes, pretty much. 

When you are writing out and interviewing, often you will actually discover what it is you really want. The education process can be a hard one. When you visit your care provider you have chosen and she casually mentions that she prefers that all women get epidurals. She finds that it is less barbaric. You quirk an eyebrow, as you really would like a natural childbirth if possible. She laughs at you and says "That is what you think now!"

You go home, confused and wondering if you are totally off on even trying for a natural childbirth, and you are only 6 weeks pregnant. 
This may not be the provider for you. 
A provider and you may take time to click, but if they disregard your thoughts from the beginning, this is not a good sign. It tells you that you feel that working towards natural childbirth is important to you  and you want a provider that will listen and educate. If the provider explained, offered info on pain management in labor, and choosing natural childbirth, that would be having the option to make an educated choice.

This is only the beginning of making educated choices. A doula can really help you as well, guiding you to the right places to find the education you need. The support a doula can offer while walking through the process can make it feel like you are in the driver's seat throughout, instead of along for the ride.

Wednesday, October 29, 2014

Judgement or Education? Are we all being too sensitive?

We have all seen the posts on different topics relating to mothering. The ones about mothers that feed their babies formula, and feel judged by breastfeeding mothers.

There are the posts about natural birth, parenting, co-sleeping, tummy sleeping, and parents that defend their choice from everything and anything.

If a person says anything, even in a kind way, certain parents tend to take offense. Instead of perhaps evaluating the concern, seeing it was not something you need to be worried about and letting it go, we seem to easily take offense these days.

Oh, I know. I know there are rabid people out there that will jump down your throat for small things, especially online. I think it is especially good to remember that not everyone that says something is that way.

  1. Listen to the comment. Is this a comment that could possibly be helpful to you? Is it simply an ignorant statement from someone that does not know your circumstances? If so,  smile politely, thank them for their concern and move past it. There is no need to lambast them online or judge them in return. They may have though they were doing what was best. We also do not know their circumstances that led them to comment.  For the purpose of example… Greta was a new mom. She told her support team and her friends she desired to breastfeed. They knew this and supported her in her goals. However, when they observed some choices she was making with her new baby, they were unsure of what to do. A) Mention them to Greta so that breastfeeding could possibly still be successful, or B) Ignore it until she came to them for advice.  This is a hard choice as sometimes, as a support team, care providers or even casual friends, you can see things a mom cannot. There are sometimes simple things you can fix that can make the breastfeeding relationship that much harder or that much easier.  When the friends and support team chose the B option, Greta did come to her friends when her baby was 8 weeks old. She was suffering from guilt and mild PPD after believing her body let her down and she was unable to breastfeed her baby. Her friends felt guilty as maybe they could have prevented it, and Greta said "Why didn't you tell me? I would have loved to try everything I could have." Another option would be they chose option A. They let her know some simple things she could change. Greta became defensive, and cut off communication, believing they were judging her for her choices. She was secretly disappointed that breastfeeding did not go well, but instead read some of the articles about judgmental moms, friends, and medical provider and chose to focus on that instead. When she struggled with mild PPD later, she had no one she felt comfortable to turn to and wondered why life was so lonely, but figured she just needed to make new friends that could support her choice not to breastfeed.   There are a million variations that could have happened with either choice, but in both cases, Greta had the same results, but in both, she felt she lacked support. Did she lack support or did she choose to not be educated? Her friends in option A, were not trying to be unsupportive, in fact, they were trying to support what she had told them was her desire. Top that off with strong hormones and you have to realize that when you feel offended by an opinion that may be given to you. Stop. Process. Evaluate. And lastly…Educate Yourself. See if what they are saying could be true. If it is not, toss it out and move on. If it is, thank them and see what you can do about it. We as moms need support, and sometimes we reject the closest support to us because of hormonal issues. 

2. Educate yourself on topics. This does not mean reading a vast number of blogs written by Mommy bloggers. It usually means, ask your care provider, doula, support people whom you trust, whom they recommend. Here are a few that are reputable for information.                        
Kelly Mom                                                                                                                         

 LactMed- This one is good if you want to double check on a medication safety for breastfeeding.   

American Pregnancy                                                                                                             

 Naturally Born This is a good one to go and ask questions and search for articles.          


There are many more, but use wisdom! Check out the list of books at the bottom of this page for more places for education. Remember before taking any advice from any online source, including this one, check with your care provider for your own personal safety.

3.  Let it go!!  Yeah, I know. That is overused, but really, don't hold it against your mother in law that she recommended using baby food at 2 months old, but thank her and let it go. If she insists, let her know the doctor did not recommend it. 

If a friend insists that you must have not done enough to try breastfeeding and you know you did, let it go. Don't try to convince her. She may have something that makes her believe that, and you likely are not going to convince her. 

Be educated and convinced in your own mind, but also, don't think automatically she is judging you. Remember most people if they are in your life, generally have your best in mind. 

Friday, October 17, 2014

Some great weekend posts to check out

This post was interesting. It had some points that were good, but also remember to use the ladder approach with refusal. There are good reasons for interventions at times.
Labor, Delivery, and Saying "No"- 5 more interventions We refuse

I found this post contained some fascinating info on why heavier babies do better in school later. I think that it might have more to do with full term babies, than their weight though.
Heavier Babies do Better in School

We all know choosing a birth control that is right for us is tough! See how likely it is that your birth control may let you down.

How likely is it your birth control will let you down?