Postpartum Support

"I would love to rest after I have my baby, but I don't have any family around, so I have to jump right back into my daily activities."

"I know other moms need rest after having a baby, but I really need activity to feel good. I start exercising a couple weeks after my baby was born. I did fine with it." 

"I didn't make enough milk for my baby. I had to supplement when she/he was 2 weeks old."

We may have all heard these statements at one time or another. Maybe we said them even, ourselves. 

I know when I had my first baby, I was so pumped up to be done with being pregnant, I was on top of the world. I was sore, didn't feel amazing all the time, but I felt much better than when I was pregnant. I got up and made an apple pie a few days after giving birth. I wanted a pie, and since I felt good, I thought I would do it. 

When I finished, there was a heavy feeling in my legs and my lower abdomen. I felt like I was going to vomit. I finished the pie, and on wobbly legs made my way to bed without eating any. I was so sick feeling. 

I realized later, just because you feel great, doesn't mean you are great. Postpartum, when we take care of yourself, you will feel much better than you might otherwise.  

There are many good things in life, when we are in good or decent health. Exercise is one those things. It can improve your health many times. 

However, after a woman gives birth, no matter how fit she was before she gave birth, is not one of those times. 

Every single woman that gives birth has the same basic things that happen to her. Some women have more complications and others less complications. But we all have a uterus stretched out to about 38-42+ cm. We all have a placenta that is about the size of a small dinner plate at least attached to us. When we give birth, the uterus undergoes a dramatic seize change, the placenta is detached, which leaves a wound that has to heal. The uterus, suspended from our round ligaments, suddenly is decreased in size. Those ligaments need time to not have a heavy ball (the uterus), bouncing around on the end of them like bungie cables. 

1. Take time to rest. Rest will help you to be able to get back to your activities in a healthy manner. If you do not rest, but expend energy into things like exercise, even basic daily activities, in those first ten days to two weeks, your body will have to draw from somewhere else. This means, generally the things that the body first believes to be expendable. Teeth, breastmilk,  and the like are not life threatening if it pulls from those. It believes you must be threatened, if you are expending that much energy after just having a baby. So, it pulls from your bones, your teeth, your milk can decrease or just not come in like it should. Remember to take the time to protect your lifelong health and rest for ten days to two weeks after birth. 
2. Nourish your body. We can get caught in a trap of regaining our figures, right from the very get go after a birth. We are trying to replenish blood, fluids, make milk that is nourishing for our little one if we are breastfeeding, fight infection, make immunities for our new one, and give ourselves strength, just to wake up. It is a lot of work to grow a baby, both inside and out. Even if you are not breastfeeding, you have a lot of work to do to heal yourself. Give yourself good food, and enough of it. Green leafy vegetables, protein, whole grains, healthy fats and lots of fluids without caffeine and sugar are important. If you want to drop pounds, skip the sugar out of anything, but focus on good nutrition. Let your body heal from the inside out. If you are not taking the time to be nourished, you will not be able to recover. You will not be able to be the best mother to your child(ren) and take care of yourself. 
3. Take Help. If someone offers you a meal, to do laundry, or says, "Let me know if you need anything." Please take them up on it. They may be shocked or surprised, but it will help you and you might end up with a closer friend. I know many people do not have anyone that will offer for that, which I feel is very sad, but I totally relate. I had babies without a community around that was helpful on a daily basis, and it is a lonely existence. I highly encourage you, in your pregnancy, to seek out your community beforehand so you have support after birth. If you do not have it in a community, hire some or see if there are resources you can take advantage of  that are not too extending financially. Do not take advantage of others, by expecting a maid service for nothing. But if you have no help, plan on hiring a housecleaner twice in the first two weeks. It will cost about $40-80, depending on who and how long you hire them for. I have seen housecleaners that charge $15 an hour even that do a wonderful job. But when all else fails, remember that your family will not die eating PB and J sandwiches every day, unless they are allergic. They will be filled and fine to do that for two weeks. They may complain, but it is okay to do what you can do and not do the rest. 
4. Don't go back to normal. Normal is overrated. It is really not what you should be doing or planning on doing for at least 4-6 weeks. It is a process that you will work back up to. Give yourself time. Don't rush back to mommy and me class, going to the grocery store or if you are a church goer, back to church. Give yourself time. Check if any places in your area offer a click and pull grocery option. See if a friend can stop and pick up milk, eggs, bread, lunch meat and apples for you. It will not only protect you from the germs that are out and about, but it will tell people that you need help. You need their support and they can feel more free to offer it. 

Postpartum can be a difficult season. But with some planning and careful info on why you are taking care of yourself still, it can help you with your long term health goals. It can also help reduce the risk of postpartum depression or severe baby blues when we care for ourselves in this way.

This post, written by a talented blogger, also shares some good preparation for the postpartum period as well that you might find helpful. "Preparing for Postpartum"

I hope this gives you some hope about the postpartum season. If there was something that really helped you postpartum, would you like to share that with us? We would love to hear it! 

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You get what you pay for...

We have all heard this saying! It is one of those cliches that we all know, yet some of us do not take to heart.

I hear on an almost daily basis, "I would love a doula, but I can't afford one." or "How can I get a free doula, I don't have money to pay for one."

In other posts, you see complaints on doulas that flake on a mother that is depending on them. While it infuriates me to see the name of a doula dragged down with such things, I do have to come back with "You get what you pay for."

Often a mother wants all the benefits of someone that will put their life on hold for you, be there whenever you call, stay through 24-48 hour labor if need be, be on call postpartum and through pregnancy with any questions, concerns, or needs you have without  paying for it.

For me, a doula, it is like no other service. We are expecting top notch service, but wanting to pay bottom dollar for it. Is it any wonder we are getting poor service when we are paying nothing for it?

We come out "guns blazing" when we get poor service, yet when doulas ask for a reasonable charge, the offense tends to come to the forefront. 

How can we fix this? 

I would say if you honestly cannot afford the service of someone else, discuss it with them. Instead of expecting the service to be offered for free, offer a service of your own in exchange. It doesn't have to be extreme, but giving something in return tells the doula you appreciate her time and service, yet your finances are not in trouble. 

It is totally fine to ask a doula for a discount, a trade, or deeply discounted service. But there comes a time when someone that works for you is worthy of a wage. 

9 Tips For a Happier Pregnancy

When in my mind I hear the terms "Happier Pregnancy" I see one of those stock photos of a pregnant woman, dressed in white, resting in luxury on  a sofa.  That doesn't quite fit with what the reality of pregnancy often is.

Pregnancy was not the easiest road for me. It was happy, because I was going to have a baby. It was difficult because of everything else that came along with that happy fact.

So based on my experiences, both as a doula, but primarily as a mother that has been pregnant four times, here are my nine tips.

1. Don't push yourself.

 It is so easy to revert to the norms of push until it burns that we have in our everyday lives. This especially pertains to exercise. Exercise is so healthy for you in pregnancy, but if it is hurts, stop. Pushing yourself when your ligaments are relaxing can result in injuries, excessive pain and other fun things to recover from. This is where some of the old wives tales can actually come true as well. Regular exercise that is encouraged by your care provider as being safe is excellent. But listen to your body!

2. Don't obsess about weight gain. 

 Period. Yes, you should not be gaining too much weight. You also should not be gaining too little weight. Remind yourself throughout the process that weight gain is normal and healthy in pregnancy. Low pregnancy weight gain used to be encouraged, until as far  I can find, in the late 1950's to early 1970's the ideas were studied as links to birth defects, issues with low birth weight babies, early babies among others were associated with the lack of pregnancy weight gain. Yes, it helped moms keep their figures, but at what cost?  On the other hand, it is not a time to go on a free for all. If you want to obsess about something, obsess about getting all the foods you need to nourish your baby and body.
Dr. Brewer has some good tips on a healthy diet.
There are other diet related tips that your OB or midwife may offer you.

3. Make sleep a priority whenever you can.
Don't plan evening activities. Plan on a nap time. If you have other little ones, tuck them in for a nap, either behind your legs so you can feel them if they move, or in a crib where you know they cannot escape. If they are not sleeping, this can be the time to utilize those electronics.
Lack of sleep can make you feel sicker during pregnancy, but also you need more sleep while pregnant as well.

Antique Chamber Pot 

(Hopefully not something you will need in pregnancy)

4.  Use pregnancy to your advantage
It only lasts nine months, even though it feels like a lifetime at times. However, use it to your full advantage. While you do not want to be a spendthrift, buy some clothing you feel pretty in. Pregnancy can be an awkward time, and you need clothing that fits well so you don't feel bigger than what you are. A pretty bra or underclothing that is comfortable can be hard to find, but worth the time it takes to look. Just make sure to take regular breaks for water while shopping and wear supportive shoes.

5. Forgo high heels...
Yes, I know they might be all you wear, but for your long term posture and baby positioning, in the long run, you will happier without them. Find some cute shoes that are flats. This will help decrease chances of swelling in your feet and injuries as well. There are plenty of cute shoes that have a low heel or are flats that you can wear for the nine months!

6. Listen to your care provider 
There are times when a care provider will suggest you take an extra vitamin like Calcium and magnesium, or she may suggest walks, eating a different diet. While sometimes it can be hard to understand, or you feel they are not doing anything good for you, listen up! They have your long term health in mind. It can change your pregnancy when you do actually listen to these little things they suggest.

7. Hire Trained Labor Support

I don't just say this because I am a doula, I say this because I have seen what a difference it made for my own births. I have heard every reason in the book why some people don't need one. But in the end, you really will not know unless you try. However, some people think all doulas are crated equal, when this is not true. The best ones have some experience, are knowledgable, but won't make your birth their own. They will be there for you, through whatever happens, for your partner as well, but walk you through the hard and good times. The studies prove that women that have a trained support person have a more positive experience when they are done, no matter the outcome.

8. Plan on saving money for the unexpected
This has more to do with the postpartum period, but saving money during the pregnancy for a little help after the baby comes will make you feel safer and happier during the pregnancy. Money set aside for even things like pizza delivery, extra gas expenses, housecleaning or other odds and ends will really be helpful and give you peace of mind throughout the process.

9. Don't spend a ton of money

Often new parents will have a long list of items that are must haves for a baby. During pregnancy, it seems like you just think they add up. Just wait! Get the essentials. Diapers, basic layette, car seat, receiving blankets and wait for most of the rest. Baby stuff has a way of appearing on the scene when you need it if you let people know. Often it is because they spent a ton of money on it and never used it, or hardly used it. For me, an essential was a swing. My babies slept in a cradle like swing, and didn't use the crib. I am too short for a Boppy pillow, I never used a pump or a bottle, but I did end up wanting a pacifier sometimes. I needed to spend money on a good bra for me, I never used my big stroller hardly, but I used an umbrella stroller all the time. As you have the baby, you see what you really need and what you actually just want.  This can give you more peace in pregnancy and help you to organize the house a little easier.

So, happier already? Are you seeing yourself floating on a pool with your beautiful baby belly glistening in the sun?

Whether you are on a couch or in the pool (which is a good way to stay cool and exercise in the summer while pregnant), I hope this post gave you some ideas to make pregnancy a bit happier!

If I have a midwife, why would I need a doula?

This question is often asked to doulas.

If you ask the same question to a midwife, you may get a variety of answers.
In the birth room, everyone has a job. The midwife is the care provider. While midwives are sometimes great with support, their primary job is to make sure that nothing goes wrong medically with you or baby.

This means that if there is any type of extra special event that requires her full attention, that is often when you need the most support. Often, by no fault of even an excellent midwife, she needs to focus her attention where it needs to be. However, this can make you feel a little lost at times.

One of the positives that have been proven show that doulas help is continuous care. This means we are not distracted by your medical care. Our only focus is on you and being there for you.

We have no other job. We will often neglect our own needs to be there for you.

Midwives are some of the most wonderful care providers in the world. However, everyone has a role to play and they are not doulas. While some can act as a wonderful support person, if they are in the role of care provider, they often cannot turn off that switch and you miss out on the key parts of having a doula.

The Key to Birth

We would all love to know what the perfect birth will be for us.
The uncertainty of birth often complicates our plans as well as others.

We see the medical field seek to add a semblance of order into the disorder of birth, much to the detriment often of mothers.

I read a quote recently that no matter how we birth, someone will judge us. The only thing we can do is educate ourselves on what is the best birth for us.

This is so true. Birth plans must be fluid. They change with the circumstances and the needs of ourselves and our babies.

There are times we have to embrace a plan that we didn't want for the safety of our babies. Often, our minds can tell us that this is a failure.


I would love to encourage you to think of it as a triumph. You are going into this experience of birth with a goal of giving birth to your baby.  You will do what it takes to do that. You wish to have the best mental health, physical health and each step will be carefully considered.

As the changes come up in your birth plan, remind your support before hand, "I wish to be reminded that I can ask for 5-15 minutes to think that over."

This helps stop a lot of medical bullying at the hands of care providers that do not even realize they are doing it. If it is an emergency, they will let you know then, but most of the time, they will realize they can give you that time.

So, what is the key to birth?

It is feeling supported, educated and therefore putting you in the drivers seat, instead of along for the ride. When you are in that driver's seat, you will handle whatever blocks come down the road as you have the steering wheel and the brakes.

Yes, sometimes accidents happen for which you will have to deal with at a later date. Accidents are called that for a reason. They are not on purpose.

Birth can be something you are in the drivers seat for. But remember your team that works with you. Your support team, your care providers and family should be along for the ride, encouraging you.

Trusting Birth?

"I am having a home birth with just my husband. I am so excited to have it just the people there when the baby was conceived. I trust birth."

The swirling juices in my stomach threatened to overflow into my mouth as I overheard this statement. I struggled to keep my knees steady, even as the room swirled around me. "It is not my business. It is not my circus, not my monkeys." I reminded myself as I maintained my composure and sought to keep smiling.      

Why such a strong response to a simple statement?

Home is a peaceful place to give birth. 

I personally love home birth. It can be one of the safest places to give birth with a trained care provider. 

It can also be the cause of PTSD, which is what the statement above triggered for me. 

Why? 

I had two unassisted home births. As I stated, I love home birth. I was naive and frankly to be honest, stubborn in my ideal that it was normal to give birth. Why did I need anyone else to help me? 

I have observed, as a doula many births now. I know that not all unassisted births will have trauma related to them. But the statement "I trust birth." can make a mom that has experienced trauma feel like a lesser person. "Birth" this entity has somehow forsaken her and let her down. 

Our bodies were created to give birth. However, in this world, there are many variables that can cause a birth to not go according to plan. A baby may somehow not be in the optimal position. Nutritional intake may not be ideal. Small things which are often discussed at prenatal appointments will often be missed when a woman participates in "Freebirthing", "Unassisted Birthing" or "Unattended Birthing". 

This is where a midwife can come in. 

A midwife should not be a last resort, or looked at as an unnecessary expense. 

While often I have heard the complaint when they just go in and do the same thing every prenatal appointment and they never have any red flags. "Why should I bother? Can't I skip one or two? Is this really needed?" If you have nothing they are catching, that is a good thing. It is often because you are doing regular prenatal care that you are doing okay. The small tips the midwife or OB gives you, those prevent problems if you listen to them. 

I figured that since I was educated, I could do my own prenatal care. I took my blood pressure, checked my urine, measured my uterus. I couldn't listen to the heart beat, but if I had had the equipment, I would have done that as well. The problem was, I missed some major components of the whole idea behind having a trained care provider. I was well educated, but I missed what extent my hyperemesis had on my long term health. My lack of nutrition was apparent in my complications postpartum and in my babies. After my second son, at five months of age, I broke my foot. The bone refused to heal from the high demands I had put on my body. When I gave birth, my skin was fragile and shredded was a nice term as to what happened to my perineum. It was linked to the lack of nutrition and prenatal care. 

You would think some of those things were common sense, but when you are pregnant, your mind is elsewhere. I struggled, in spite of all my learning and knowledge to follow what I knew was right. 

I never want to swallow bile because I am relieving my birth experience again at the words of another. 

I share this story with you as privacy was important to me. I longed to be alone while giving birth. However, I learned that a great, trained care provider can give you that same atmosphere, while at the same time helping provide a protection if an emergency occurs. 

No one should have to live with the aftermath that I did. 

Be wise in your choices. Listen to the experiences of others to protect yourself. 

Making Educated Choices

We often speak on making educated choices in pregnancy. What does this really mean?

We all know that parenting, pregnancy and anything related involves a myriad of options that face us. From the moment we see the positive pregnancy test, the options are slamming us in the face. <p>

Doctor or Midwife?

Early Ultrasound or skip it?

Unassisted Birth, Home Birth, Birth Center, Hospital?

And the tasks, tests, decisions are laid out for us as we travel down this new path. And, although I hate to be the one to tell you, the decisions do not stop with the birth of your child.

Before you know it, you feel like you have been through a butter churn. You have some nausea (likely from the new pregnancy), but also from the pressure surrounding you on all sides.

So, how do you make an educated decision?  Search the internet? Talk to your friends?


First, tread carefully. Too much info can be overwhelming. Start with determining what you think you want. Write it down.

Secondly, find a care provider you can trust. This is essential. OB/Gyn's, Midwives and other care providers go to school to learn about pregnancy and there are some amazing ones out there. They can help guide you to the right sources often.  The key is finding one you click with. When choosing a good care provider, you want to find some check lists that line up with what you want, what you think you want and then what you actually want! Clear as mud?

Yes, pretty much. 

When you are writing out and interviewing, often you will actually discover what it is you really want. The education process can be a hard one. When you visit your care provider you have chosen and she casually mentions that she prefers that all women get epidurals. She finds that it is less barbaric. You quirk an eyebrow, as you really would like a natural childbirth if possible. She laughs at you and says "That is what you think now!"

You go home, confused and wondering if you are totally off on even trying for a natural childbirth, and you are only 6 weeks pregnant. 

This may not be the provider for you. 

A provider and you may take time to click, but if they disregard your thoughts from the beginning, this is not a good sign. It tells you that you feel that working towards natural childbirth is important to you  and you want a provider that will listen and educate. If the provider explained, offered info on pain management in labor, and choosing natural childbirth, that would be having the option to make an educated choice.


This is only the beginning of making educated choices. A doula can really help you as well, guiding you to the right places to find the education you need. The support a doula can offer while walking through the process can make it feel like you are in the driver's seat throughout, instead of along for the ride.

Judgement or Education? Are we all being too sensitive?

We have all seen the posts on different topics relating to mothering. The ones about mothers that feed their babies formula, and feel judged by breastfeeding mothers.

There are the posts about natural birth, parenting, co-sleeping, tummy sleeping, and parents that defend their choice from everything and anything.

If a person says anything, even in a kind way, certain parents tend to take offense. Instead of perhaps evaluating the concern, seeing it was not something you need to be worried about and letting it go, we seem to easily take offense these days.

Oh, I know. I know there are rabid people out there that will jump down your throat for small things, especially online. I think it is especially good to remember that not everyone that says something is that way.

1. Listen to the comment. Is this a comment that could possibly be helpful to you? Is it simply an ignorant statement from someone that does not know your circumstances? If so,  smile politely, thank them for their concern and move past it. There is no need to lambast them online or judge them in return. They may have though they were doing what was best. We also do not know their circumstances that led them to comment.  For the purpose of example… Greta was a new mom. She told her support team and her friends she desired to breastfeed. They knew this and supported her in her goals. However, when they observed some choices she was making with her new baby, they were unsure of what to do. A) Mention them to Greta so that breastfeeding could possibly still be successful, or B) Ignore it until she came to them for advice.  This is a hard choice as sometimes, as a support team, care providers or even casual friends, you can see things a mom cannot. There are sometimes simple things you can fix that can make the breastfeeding relationship that much harder or that much easier.  When the friends and support team chose the B option, Greta did come to her friends when her baby was 8 weeks old. She was suffering from guilt and mild PPD after believing her body let her down and she was unable to breastfeed her baby. Her friends felt guilty as maybe they could have prevented it, and Greta said "Why didn't you tell me? I would have loved to try everything I could have." Another option would be they chose option A. They let her know some simple things she could change. Greta became defensive, and cut off communication, believing they were judging her for her choices. She was secretly disappointed that breastfeeding did not go well, but instead read some of the articles about judgmental moms, friends, and medical provider and chose to focus on that instead. When she struggled with mild PPD later, she had no one she felt comfortable to turn to and wondered why life was so lonely, but figured she just needed to make new friends that could support her choice not to breastfeed.   There are a million variations that could have happened with either choice, but in both cases, Greta had the same results, but in both, she felt she lacked support. Did she lack support or did she choose to not be educated? Her friends in option A, were not trying to be unsupportive, in fact, they were trying to support what she had told them was her desire. Top that off with strong hormones and you have to realize that when you feel offended by an opinion that may be given to you. Stop. Process. Evaluate. And lastly…Educate Yourself. See if what they are saying could be true. If it is not, toss it out and move on. If it is, thank them and see what you can do about it. We as moms need support, and sometimes we reject the closest support to us because of hormonal issues. 

2. Educate yourself on topics. This does not mean reading a vast number of blogs written by Mommy bloggers. It usually means, ask your care provider, doula, support people whom you trust, whom they recommend. Here are a few that are reputable for information.                        

Kelly Mom                                                                                                                         

 LactMed- This one is good if you want to double check on a medication safety for breastfeeding.   

American Pregnancy                                                                                                             

 Naturally Born This is a good one to go and ask questions and search for articles.          

 FitPregnancy                                                                                                                            

There are many more, but use wisdom! Check out the list of books at the bottom of this page for more places for education. Remember before taking any advice from any online source, including this one, check with your care provider for your own personal safety.

3.  Let it go!!  Yeah, I know. That is overused, but really, don't hold it against your mother in law that she recommended using baby food at 2 months old, but thank her and let it go. If she insists, let her know the doctor did not recommend it. 

If a friend insists that you must have not done enough to try breastfeeding and you know you did, let it go. Don't try to convince her. She may have something that makes her believe that, and you likely are not going to convince her. 

Be educated and convinced in your own mind, but also, don't think automatically she is judging you. Remember most people if they are in your life, generally have your best in mind. 

Some great weekend posts to check out

This post was interesting. It had some points that were good, but also remember to use the ladder approach with refusal. There are good reasons for interventions at times.
Labor, Delivery, and Saying "No"- 5 more interventions We refuse


I found this post contained some fascinating info on why heavier babies do better in school later. I think that it might have more to do with full term babies, than their weight though.
Heavier Babies do Better in School

We all know choosing a birth control that is right for us is tough! See how likely it is that your birth control may let you down.

How likely is it your birth control will let you down?

When natural is not the best…how do I plan?

Often women that desire a natural birth plan the dickens out of their births. Some women keep it simple, and have some perspective, but others hold their birth plan up as the absolute gold standard by which their birth is made.

 I find that often when a client is writing up a birth plan, you should keep it short, to the point, covering the important things, but also realize this is more for you. It is a reminder for you more than anyone to be able to remember your plans and desires.

 But, what if your naturally planned birth doesn't go as planned? Babies and pregnancy is unpredictable, and often little things happen that require an intervention. Does this mean your birth plan is useless? I would answer and say no, if you have following my recommendations.

When you write up your birth plan, most women that are planning a natural birth include that they want a Hep-lock instead of an I.V. What happens if that I.V is needed? Does that mean you throw out the whole plan?

An I.V is needed in the case of an epidural, or a c-section to get enough fluids to prevent your blood pressure from dropping too low and in the case of blood loss at times. However, if you are not to that step yet, it is okay to ask to wait an hour or two, to decide on that, even when you feel you need an intervention.

I believe there is a tendency to try to feel like everything needs to be decided right now. Then when you do decide to go ahead with an intervention,  if it is not an emergency, often hospitals do not move very quickly. You are left with a lot of time to think about your decision.

In the case where you are faced with an unplanned c-section, I would really advise everyone to write out a short plan on c-sections.

For example, if you have a doula, talk to the care provider about having your doula in the c-section with you. It can make a huge difference in your mental recovery if you have support from more than just your husband in a c-section. Often, first it is scary to be taken to a surgical room, treated suddenly like a surgical patient, rather than them listening to your needs and you need someone that is focused on you and not the baby, (which your husband will be focused on the baby).

They can talk you through it, what is happening and stay with you if there is a problem with the baby. Sometimes, when things go awry, it seems like there is a higher likelihood of something happening with the baby, where they need to be separated from you. This can be really scary for a mom that is strapped down to a table, your husband walks across the room to be with the baby and is trying to tell you what is going on, but his mouth is covered by a mask and you don't know what he is saying. The panic sets in and complications can occur.

Many surgeons do not think about this. They are surgeons for a reason. They often like their patients sedated and do not think of their mental health in a surgery. For this reason, you need to plan ahead. Plan for support if you think there is a possibility of surgery, confirm and discuss with the care provider ahead of time that you will be having an extra support person. If they talk about how they only allow one person, there is not room etc. etc. You will need to push a bit. They allow students in surgeries all the time. They are generally concerned about liability if someone passes out. Make sure your support person is skilled and has attended surgery before, and has no history of fainting.

I have worked in different hospitals and found it curious that the one that is touted as the most "natural" has the worst policies as far as doulas and c-sections. It was as if they were naturally minded until you needed intervention and then they threw out all of that, and figured it was all a moot point.

I am going to be working on some education on that for the community benefit, but I am not exactly sure how it will happen.

For you, remember natural birth or not, if you educate yourself on all the options, give yourself the chance to make the decision, you will feel better about your choices. If you feel like you are simple taking their word for it, you will be feeling more out of control with your decisions.

Stay in charge of your birth, interventions or not. If they have a policy against something, educate yourself on those ahead of time.

What do all the titles mean? CIO, AP, etc? What is the Big Deal???

If you are a mother now, you will soon realize that there are all sorts of debates, here or there that many mothers get into. Most mothers want what is best for their babies. But there are some that will go by what their mother taught them, they read in a book or on the internet and ignore any new research. Why? It worked for their relatives, the book people and plus, it sounds great.

This could pertain to anything from baby wearing to breastfeeding. I heard one mom claim that attachment parenting was a fad, a new fad, in fact. She was actually using biblical reasons for forgoing this "fad".

I would love to actually discuss and bring to the forefront that actually, some of the other parenting methods are the fads. The key components of attachment parenting have been around long before this century. I think that the idea AP is coming back around is more because it is what was done and is still done in many countries around the world. I used to stare at the foreign women that lived in the city, where I lived, trying to figure out how they kept that young child on their backs. I worked hard, outside on a piece of land, and had no place to set my baby down that was safe and longed for a way to safely wear him, just to keep him safe.

Baby wearing has been around since bible times. So has bed sharing. If you go to any historical forts and look at their sleeping arrangements, you will find that most pioneers and in history people were not as finicky about room and bed sharing as we are as spoiled Americans that believe we "need" our privacy. It didn't effect their marriage relationships too much. I think they had to use their imaginations a bit more. I have been in old cabins where there was one bed, very large bed above the oven for the whole family. Sometimes that included the grandparents as well.

This is not a fad. Much of it is going back to the roots of society.

However, I believe that above all, you need to make sure to check your heart in all things. But just because you have a wrong heart attitude about something, doesn't make it something wrong to do. I remember a mother telling me that she felt sewing had become an idol for her, so she was going to stop doing it. At that time, their family had no money, she had boxes of fabric and her children were wearing very worn out clothes. She chose to let them wear the worn clothing because she felt she had to give up her idol of sewing. I struggled with being obsessed with cooking. I remember thinking about it when my friend gave up sewing that perhaps I should step back from cooking. I immediately checked myself! I needed to change my heart attitude, not what I was doing. The same with attachment parenting...which was named by modern society. If your heart is not right about it, change it. But it doesn't make the actions of it wrong.

You want to battle it out?

There are plenty of mothers that will battle it out for you! Put 'em up!

Sleep training and the actual definition of the term "Cry-it-out" can bring up a lot of interesting thoughts. In 1985, Dr. Richard Ferber wrote a book about getting your babies to sleep. New mothers loved some of his ideas as it was formed to give them more sleep. His idea was that you can teach your babies to soothe themselves to sleep, rather than the traditional rocking the baby to sleep. This article from BabyCenter explains some of the ideas contained in the book. Here is another article by the author himself...The Truth about Ferberizing

Society was changing from the '70's where it went to some of the earth loving, peace loving, freedom society and parents were realizing that they were having to work two jobs, mothers didn't have time to cook, rock babies and they just were mostly too busy for it all. Ferberizing gave them the freedom to lay down the baby, ignore it, check to make sure he was okay occasionally, but mostly, you let the baby cry until he realized you were not coming for him, he gave up and went to sleep. This method is portrayed to work on every child, if done right.

However, Dr. Ferber has said that he did not agree with this (letting the child cry to no end). But still, much of what is in his book is still widely used by parents today, usually the ones that are sleep deprived, but occasionally, the selfish parent that is just done with the child.

I discovered in my research that some of Dr. Ferber's ideas were actually based on a book from the late 1800's. It is available on Gutenburg for free, if you are interested in reading it. The Care and Feeding of Children by L. Emmett Holt, M.D., LL.D.

The book is very interesting, but most of us would shudder in horror at what was advanced thinking at that time in child care and feeding. Yet, he was trying to encourage society for the best. This was addressing a more formal society, not the tribeswoman or pioneers that wore their babies, slept in a common room and breastfeeding was just second nature.

Many people will look back on past methods and claim "Those babies survived. My grandparents survived drinking cows milk at the age of 3 months, being aired outside in cages, and the like. Why can we say that it is not healthy now?" We have to look at the statistics as well. Infant mortality was much higher as well with this type of diets. Women gave birth to babies that were smaller, had faster deliveries often, but also lost a lot of children. It is common to also read books and families would have 2-4 living children, but gave birth to 8-10.

This is a book on infant mortality as far as it related to the occupation of the mother. Infant Mortality and It's relation to the employment of mothers.

If you read book that was by Jennifer Worth, the woman that wrote the books which inspired the "Call the Midwife" TV series. The books detail in very clear pictures, the issues that faced society, not all that long ago, where they were pushing some of the regimented schedules, feedings, and lack of care that women and children faced.

When we are evaluating a parenting style for ourself or others, let's be careful to look at a complete picture. Are we moving forward or going backward? Are we simply cycling around? Is baby-wearing a fad or something that promotes healthier babies for convenience?

When we seek info on a parenting decision, do we simply look to the internet for opinion based posts, or do we look to science based posts? Do we evaluate our decision based on society or what is really best for our own individual child?

Be careful not to parent through emotion, religious ideals or even sleep deprivation. Make sure to evaluate daily what we are doing for our children as they grow.

Our Uterus- a Misunderstood Muscle

A uterus is a muscle. We all know if we know the muscular system that muscles need many things. If we do not take work our arm muscles, how long does it take them to get flabby? Not too long, huh? Uteruses are not as easy to work out either.

You may have a uterus that clamps down one baby and then because of many factors may not the next. Those factors include interventions as well as nutrition.

#1- They need to be fed. Protein feeds muscles, as well as other things that supply good nutrients to your muscles. Iron is a big one of these factors as well as calcium and magnesium.

#2- They need to be exercised and not over the top exercised or under exercised. This is the balance that is hard to find. Often artificial oxytocin will hyper-stimulate a uterus, which makes it unable to clamp down. This can also happen naturally too. A uterus after a hard labor, too many herbs someone took or other things can cause a uterus to be hypertonic. That is why something that is gentle can sometimes be recommended by doctors, midwives etc. to help uteruses stay healthy. Also, a uterus that stretched out, then never has had the chance to reduce in size, heal and begins stretching out again is more likely to struggle. (This would likely be the worry for you, Laura, since your babies are close in age).

#3- Uteruses need support after birth; they look like a heavy ball of muscle, hanging limply on ligaments in your pelvic area. When you are lying down, those ligaments tighten; the contractions of the uterine walls tighten and reduce it in size. When after birth, we stand for long periods of time, especially the first two weeks, sometimes we stretch out those ligaments, cause the uterus to not be able to go back to it's original size and struggle all the way around. Then if you get pregnant in the first 5-6 months PP, before it has had a 9-month healing time, you uterus can struggle.

Something else is hormone level. This can affect things with the uterus as well. If your hormone levels are not right you may not produce normal amounts of oxytocin on your own, or sometimes the baby is struggling to produce it.

Another big one is not your uterus as well, but your pelvic floor. If your pelvic floor is weak, when your uterus contracts, it sort of has a smooth pushing down motion and pushes against the pelvic floor.

I think though, sometimes you can do all you can, and some people just have a weaker uterine muscle than others. That is something you have to be thankful that we have artificial medications to force it to comply.

So, what is a good calcium and magnesium supplement? It differs for everyone. One that I find easy to take and many clients enjoy as well is Lifetime Liquid calcium. I prefer the strawberry flavor, but it comes in a variety of flavors. Vitacost has it for a fairly reasonable cost. Here is a link that as a referral will give you $10 off your first order! https://www.vitacostrewards.com/jTSZGtY Here is a direct link to the calcium Liquid Calcium and magnesium- Strawberry

Where can you go to find pelvic floor exercises? That varies, but there are some online resources available. This website offers some great exercise routines. I have not researched to see what they have available for pelvic floor exercises yet though. http://fit2b.us

These websites talk about for helping with bladder control issues, but it is the same muscles that help support the pelvic floor. They are easy and cheap to do. https://patienteducation.osumc.edu/Documents/IncontinenceExerProg.pdf

And another one.... http://mydoctor.kaiserpermanente.org/ncal/provider/juliealmeria/resources/dc/article?article=article_506667.xml&contentTitle=Ball%20and%20Band%20Exercises%20for%20Urinary%20Incontinence I hope these resources are helpful for you!

Induction...is trying a natural induction a good idea?

Common Question: "I am 39 weeks, the doctor, midwife, care provider says that while they support natural birth, if I go over 40, 41 (insert number), they will induce me. I want to avoid an induction, what natural means can I use to induce labor?"
We are ready at the end to have our babies, aren't we?

This question usually brings on a flurry of activity, opinions, ideas on what actually starts labor. First of all, we need to look at the facts. For each person, the reasons may be different as to why a care provider may be suggesting an induction. Most of them, have protocols they have set up and follow. Unless there is a medical reason or it is a law, you usually have an option to opt out of their normal protocols and choose an alternative course of action. An induction is not something they can force on you, unless you or the baby is in medical need of it, even then, it can be difficult.
You are not trying to be difficult. You just want what is best for your baby, so you turn to "natural" methods. You are done being pregnant and since the care provider has said the baby is ready, you are ready. First of all: We need to know what has to happen in order for labor to begin. There is a series of events that have to happen. Generally, while preterm labor can be an issue, often, in a healthy pregnancy, labor begins when the baby decides it is ready to be born. (Science of what happens)(Layman's article on the same topic)
When the baby is ready, the hormones are released to begin the process of labor. However, if these hormones are stirred, and baby is head down, but not quite in the right position, often contractions start, stop, start, stop. This can also happen with larger babies, uterus that needs a little more exercise, or positions like posterior, breech etc. Or if the mom has encouraged labor on her own with herbs, castor oil or other means. The hormones are often not steady when they are being induced by alternative means, natural or otherwise. Drugs used for inductions are often powerful enough to override the hormones and induce labor anyhow, but sometimes they can even fail. The danger in natural induction methods, especially when not overseen by a medical professional is the risks of overdosing on herbs, exhaustion, lack of sleep from up and down contractions, dehydration, and others. Often moms will have lack of sleep and when labor really hits, they are too tired to go through it and put themselves at risks of other interventions.
Here are some articles to read on the pros and cons of natural and drug induced induction. http://midwifethinking.com/2010/09/16/induction-of-labour-balancing-risks/ http://avivaromm.com/labor-induction-low-natural-approaches-midwife-md
My encouragement to mothers is to have patience. The baby usually knows when it should come. If your doctor insists on medical reasons for an induction, pay close attention. Check out the baby. Listen to your doctor and weigh what they say with care. They care for you for a reason. However, research the pros and cons of induction and discuss them with your doctor and why you are not wanting to go that route. Ask them if there would be any reason why you cannot have a couple more days and then reevaluate.
Here are some things usually that you can do, without risk, in most cases, to you or your baby. As with any exercise or regime, speak to your care provider before beginning anything.
At 32-34 weeks, I recommend all mothers, if okayed by their care provider, begin seeking chiropractic care on a weekly or twice weekly basis to help with position. Regular exercise should be repeated, walking, swimming and other low level forms of exercise.
At 38 weeks on, I recommend a repeating pattern of exercise to help encourage a good position. This is if the baby is in a head down position. 25-30 pelvic tilts - Rest 25-30 hula hoop motion in either direction on an exercise ball- Rest 10 lunges with leg up on chair on each leg - alternating legs (View this to see what I mean by lunges Lunge-Spinning Babies) Rest. Repeat this pattern twice a day. When you get closer to your due date, repeat this more like 3 to 4 times a day. The repeating motion helps encourage the baby into a good position, which also will help your aches and pains as well. These exercises can be repeated while in labor as well! In the end, research even natural methods of natural induction. They are not always worth trying!
Babies usually come when they are ready! Labor is much easier when left to it's own timing usually as well.

I am sorry for the neglect of this blog!

I have been busy with many things, but also am planning on writing a pregnancy book sometime here in the near future. I was thinking about different topics to include in the book. It seems often pregnancy books are just full of the same info, some books are considered outlandish, hippy, or just plain weird. Then there are the ones that the doctors office hands out, that mention to call your doctor if you have certain symptoms, but no explanation of what is going on. You try to call the doctor and the nurse informs you that it is normal, don't worry and discuss with doctor at the next appointment. Sometimes though, you will get a good care provider that is able to answer some of your questions, but sometimes you just wish there was a book that would give you some of those answers so you don't have to bother the doctor. That is the kind of book I want to write. Something that in layman's terms talks of the norms of pregnancy, the hard things and when the doctor or midwife really wants to see you! What topics do you want covered?

#1 reason I would want to pay for a doula....

Why would I want to pay for a doula? This is a question that many pregnant moms may ask themselves, I guarantee that their partner may ask it more often.

So, what is the reasoning behind paying for a doula. Often I hear the comment...."If you can't afford a doula, there are free or volunteer doulas to be had." While that is often true, I am hear to tell you that if you want the best experience, pay for one.

There are times when a close friend may be trained as a doula, and can, because of the closeness, be able to provide the same level of support that a paid doula can. But one of the interesting studies that talk about why you might want a doula, they found that while there was positives from having support from female relatives and friends, a companion that was not related to you had the best results.

Here is a link from DONA on some of the results.... http://www.dona.org/publications/position_paper_birth_table1.php

But why would I say that it is important to pay your doula?

I am a frugal person! You can ask most anyone and I can usually find a way to save some money! I have scrimped and saved money like most people never even think of! But.....I have come to realize that when we pay for something, we appreciate it more. We tend to be more careful in how we might care for a table that we paid $300 for, rather than the table we got for free, even if the table we got for free is worth $300. It is something about the human mind that tends to cause us to believe that if others did not value their service or item for more than that, it is not really worth the cost. I have learned this over the years in doing some volunteer doula work...it is those births that you can work yourself to the utmost, supporting the client in pregnancy, and the last minute, she forgets to call you when she is in labor or when you arrive, you find the family members are resentful of your presence as they were not notified of her desire. We are a culture that values what we pay for! Now, I am not encouraging you to go into debt to hire the most expensive doula you can find! I am encouraging you to think outside the box for paying your doula, but pay your doula!

Here are some alternative ideas to traditional payment: -Bartering- think of anything you could do for your doula. She is giving you a service, so think of a service you could do for her. Some ideas may be cleaning, handcrafts, haircuts, weeding a flower or vegetable garden or other things along that line.

- Home baked goods or freezer meals- If you are on a very low income, you may have extra food stuff and be able to offer this in exchange.

- A piece of nice furniture or other items

-Labor work- perhaps your partner or if you have older children have skills they would be willing to offer to do work such as painting, yard work etc. Someone suggested recently having a collection at your baby shower for a doula. I was thinking about it and we have often done raffle drawings for a small gift where the entry ticket was the bag of diapers or wipes at a shower. Another idea would be to do a similar raffle drawing with raffle tickets for $2 each for a prize, to help raise money for your doula. In the scheme of things, most of us really would have the money to pay for a doula if we look hard enough. But I have met people whom truly do not have it. I have been one of those people myself. Often though, while you are not really out being able to get a job at the moment, you usually can offer some services, once a month to help pay for your doula!!

Think outside the box and pay for your doula....one way or another! She is worth it....and you will be grateful for the extra care.

So, what is the #1 reason I would want to pay for a doula than for taking the cheapest and free doula? I truly believe you will both get better care and have a better experience. The doula will feel like you appreciate her service and will be on her top game. You will value what you paid for and be more on top of actually using the services you paid for!

Breastfeeding week events- Kalispell, MT

Our doula booth at the All about the Kids- breastfeeding event we held here in the Flathead. It was a wonderful day, despite ominous warnings about the weather. It stayed nice most of the afternoon, even though it was cool and cloudy. There were lots of moms visiting and checking out all the booths, the giveaways, raffles and other fun activities. There were activities for the kids to do as well! I really enjoyed visiting with the other moms that stopped by the booth as well as visiting and getting to know the others in the other booths. The Breastfeeding coalition group was amazing to get to work with!

I am so glad to see all the breastfeeding support available out there. What made your breastfeeding journey easier? Did it help to know other moms were there along side you? A link to the website about our event as well! http://www.flatheadvalleydoulas.com/news--events.html

Recent events in our local doula community

We recently formed a doula group, where we could present a unified front of doulas to the community. We are hoping through this, to be able to give the public education and options to find the best doula fit for them! Our website is up and running and it is beautiful! http://www.flatheadvalleydoulas.com Flathead Valley Doulas operates in the Flathead Valley, primarily in Kalispell, Whitefish and Columbia Falls, MT. But also, some of the doulas extend out to Libby, Eureka and other surrounding towns. If you are in the area and in search of a doula, check out our website and get an interview with one of our doulas! We are here and ready to support you!

1 reason I would recommend hiring a doula...

What is one reason I would recommend hiring a doula? There are many reasons, but the #1 reason that I would say stands out from all of the others, would be that you need one.

You may not know how much you need one. You may have even had great birth experiences without one. I will tell you, it is kind of like something you cannot explain or tell someone about, until you have experienced it.

A good doula is worth her weight in gold! They are worth the cost not only to the laboring mother, but also to the father. Someone said recently, "Hire a doula if your husband is not up to the task!" I would counter that statement with the thought..."Hire a doula if your husband is up to the task, but he wants to do better."

Do you think you might want more children later? Often a doula can help your husband to not see birth as a terrifying experience, but instead one that he felt empowered to succeed at, in helping his wife to give birth to their child. He may not remember the woman that helped him learn to support his wife, but he will remember that he did not feel helpless when she was giving birth. He was given a job to do and the instructions how to do it. The best doula is often the one you don't remember them talking much, their actions are smooth and subtle.

They may work tirelessly to be holding counter pressure on the laboring woman's back so the husband can look into her eyes and tell her what a wonderful job she is doing. They can run for the glass of water, pour water continuously over the belly, or do hip squeezes for hours on end. They can show them where to place your hands when a contraction comes over the laboring woman, and breathe through the crest.

A doula is someone that will be there for others, not just the laboring woman.

If you are looking for a doula in your area, there are many ways to find one. Doula Match is a good source for many areas.

In our local area, we created a website with a directory of doulas. Many areas have this as well. To view our website Flathead Valley Doulas you can view each different doulas skills and see if there is one that best fits your specific needs.

Google your area and see doulas that are available in your area. Also, check with local care providers as far as what doulas they recommend.

Checking through certification venues for doulas also, is another way to find them. CAPPA and DONA are two highly respected ones. If you do not see a doula listed in your area, give them a call as sometimes they have ones that did not finish certification, but are trained.

So, one reason I would recommend hiring a doula? I would recommend hiring a doula for a more positive birth experience, for all those involved.

Guest Post: Christy Ong- Home birth transfer story

We would love to welcome Christy to our blog today! She is going to share with us her beautiful birth story of her son Miles.

Sometimes when birth does not go exactly the way we planned, we can look back and learn from our experiences, take away the blessed moments and rejoice in them. I love how Christy shares her story and I hope you will as well!

January 18th was my official due date, though I had been telling everyone the 20th just because that was the original date I had come up with and 20ths are meaningful to us (dating and wedding anniversaries are both 20ths.) Both days came and went with nothing more than my traditional contractions that came every evening when my husband and I walked laps around our outdoor mall. They always went away after I got home and sat down.

I was very committed to waiting until baby was ready to come and tried really hard to not be impatient. At my 41wk midwife appointment I had the first twinge of really wanting to push things forward because once I hit 42wks I could no longer have a home birth by Colorado law. I trusted that God would direct the timing however and tried to quell my anxiousness. My midwife, Lisa, said that we would chat again on Friday (the 27th) and if nothing had happened we could discuss ways of starting some natural induction efforts.

I was also struggling with a horrible rash that we were assuming was PUPPPs. The itchiness was just about unbearable most nights and I would often lay awake in the dark crying and begging God for it to all be over. That rash was the absolute worst part of my pregnancy and was the biggest reason I wanted that baby OUT. I was told that it would disappear soon after birth, but in reality I continued to fight it for more than a month after my son was born.

I told myself I could make it at least until Friday. I wanted to give my baby all the time he/she needed. I knew God would give all the grace I needed to get through each moment. I did a lot of mental preparation that last week. I knew that birth was simply part of life and that God had given me everything I needed through Jesus. I repeated so many truths to myself over and over in those last weeks. I told myself that God would be near and give me strength. I told myself that pain is a necessary part of life and growth. I chose to embrace this birth as something I wanted and was choosing, not as something that was forced on me in order to get this child out of me. I told myself that I would accept and embrace the pain and choose to not take it out on anyone around me, but to let it do it’s work.

Despite all of this, I woke up Thursday morning with a feeling of urgency. Both God and my body were telling me it was time to take action. I felt that something wasn't quite right and I could no longer just wait for baby to pick the timing, but that I needed to step in and get things moving. I called my midwife and she was fully on board with following my gut and seeing what we could to do move things along, both for the baby’s sake, and because the rash was making me so miserable and exhausted. She, and the assisting midwife, Joanna, came over that afternoon to check me (first time that had been done) and strip my membranes. My midwife had actually never stripped membranes before but Joanna had and talked her through it. (Side note: I was truly struck at this point with how committed my midwife was to letting babies come on their own, and also how trusting she was of my gut feeling that something wasn't quite right, enough so to do something she had never done before.) She was very gentle and it hurt, but not too bad. Later Joanna did it again and I could tell she was much more confident. It hurt so, so much more that time! Lisa also had me start taking caster oil. That was the grossest thing I have ever put in my mouth. It is such a thick, oily stuff that I could hardly get it down without gagging and it coming right back up.

The midwives left for a while to give me some space and my mom and youngest brothers came over for a bit and walked around the yard with me. It was sweet to see how excited my mom was for her first born to have her first baby! I told Chris I would let him know when things started picking up, but he was too excited and just came home at lunch time. Mom and the boys left a bit after Chris got there. The midwives came back and checked me again, set up the birth room, and said to get some rest and call them later. Chris and I watched something on Netflix and then headed to bed about 9.

I had just put my nightgown on and was walking around the end of the bed when the first real contraction hit and stopped me in my tracks. I looked up at Chris with wide eyes. He asked, “A contraction?” and I just nodded. Once it passed I told him to call Lisa. She said to time them for a while and try to sleep if we could. I was completely exhausted from a long day of anticipation and walking and everything else (besides I was always exhausted at the end of the day at that point,) but I simply could not sleep. I don’t think it was even an hour before I asked Chris to call Lisa back and ask her to come. I’m not sure why I felt like I needed her there so soon, but I suddenly felt that she was my security blanket and I really wanted her to be there for my peace of mind.

I moved downstairs to the guestroom that was set up as our birth room. I quickly wanted nothing to do with moving around at all and spent the next few hours on my side only half conscious between contractions. Every hour or so I would have a particularly strong one that would make me vomit. I don’t know if that was a side affect of the caster oil or just the way my body responds to pain but it was icky either way. If I hadn't been so tired going into it I would have liked to try to be up and moving around but I was so very exhausted from the very beginning and slept as best I could between contractions. I never knew I could sleep for two minute snatches like that. Some time during the night Lisa said I could go ahead and get in the birthing pool and see if it helped me relax. I loved that thing and wasn't too happy when she wanted me to get back out a couple hours later so she could check me.

Breathing was my best friend during labor. The harder a contraction, the more I would relax and breathe through it. Sometimes I felt like I was hardly conscious, hardly “there” at all. Chris could not even tell when I was having contractions most of the night except when Lisa was having us time them. I had wondered frequently how I would handle the pain of labor but I found that as things got more intense I was able to completely pull into myself and focus on breathing and coping and stay totally calm. I know all my mental preparation in the weeks before really helped. I had no conscious thoughts of talking myself through things during labor (I hardly had any conscious thoughts at all) but I know the truth was there, embedded in my subconscious, and was a huge part of my ability to stay calm and relaxed.

I had terrible back labor almost from the start. I hardly even noticed my stomach contracting because the back pain was so awful. At some point in the early morning hours I remember thinking that I wasn’t sure how much longer my back could take that kind of intense cramping. I asked Lisa how much longer she thought it might be. She said it didn’t seem like things were progressing very quickly based on my pain level. She said it needed to get a lot worse before much was going to happen. I was disappointed and a little overwhelmed because I didn’t know if I could handle much worse. If I lost control I knew bad things would happen. I wondered if she just couldn’t tell how bad it really was, but I figured I probably just had no idea how bad it was really going to get. Looking back I think I just hid pain really well because I was progressing faster than we thought.

I moved back and forth between the pool and lying on my side on the bed most of the night. Chris sat in a chair near me. I probably seemed to ignore him, but I was always relieved each time I opened my eyes and saw him there. I needed his presence.

At one point Lisa came in and sent Chris upstairs to rest for a bit, saying she would sit with me. I was semi-reclining in the pool with my eyes closed most of the time. We suddenly heard a really strange noise. I opened my eyes and looked at Lisa. We were both puzzled by it. She got up and looked around the room. We wondered if it could be an alarm of some kind. It was just a steady, sort of high pitched whine. Eventually we realized that it was a hole in the side of the pool leaking air! She asked me if we had any duct tape and I was able to tell her exactly where I had last seen it. She teased me about it later. Here I was in hard labor, hardly able to speak most of the time, and describing exactly on what shelf in the laundry room the duct tape was sitting.

I lost all concept of time during most of my labor but I remember the sun finally coming up and a little bit later Lisa and Joanna checked me again. I was getting a feeling that Lisa was concerned I wasn’t progressing very fast. I felt like there was a little bit of tension in the room. Finally Lisa announced that I was about 9cm and almost completely effaced. Everyone was so relieved. I had been feeling that I was getting close but I was unsure of myself because I had never done this before. Joanna gave me a back rub and some counter pressure during contractions and I was amazed to find how much it helped. I wished I had thought to ask for that before. From then on things seemed to get moving and everyone was much more involved. I had someone press on my back with every contraction. I was relieved to find that help and thought maybe I could handle more after all.

Around 9 in the morning Joanna checked me again, said I was complete, and broke my water. Only a couple minutes later I felt the urge to push, however Lisa and Joanna came back in the room with some hard news. Lisa said that there was quite a bit of meconium in the water which could mean the baby was under stress, and also be dangerous if the baby had aspirated any of it. She said everything was probably just fine but she wanted us to transfer to the hospital just in case the baby needed extra care. I think Chris and I just stared blankly for a minute. We felt we were so close to meeting our little one, and now everything was changing. We totally trusted Lisa’s judgment and knew this was a very hard decision for her and I remember nodding in agreement because I knew she wouldn’t make us transfer unless she really felt it was necessary. At the same time I remember thinking that maybe if I just pushed that baby out right there she couldn’t make me go. I did not see how I could possibly get dressed, get in the car and go to the hospital right then. Chris brought me dry clothes and tried to help me get dressed and moved to the car. I glared at him and mostly refused to move. My contractions were right on top of each other and I was not the least bit happy about what they were making me do. I’m sure I made it difficult. I was practically dragged across the house. They did finally get me in the car on my hands and knees and Lisa sat next to me while Chris drove and Joanna followed behind. I was so thankful the hospital was only 7 minutes away. It seemed like such a long 7 minutes.

I had told myself over and over in the last weeks of pregnancy that no matter how I felt I did not need to take it out on others. I remember quietly asking Lisa to push on my back (though maybe with a tinge of desperation,) even though I felt like screaming at the world. I was honestly shocked at how well I was able to stay calm and composed. Something in me just new that the moment I gave in to the pain I would loose all control and it would be a fast down hill road. Things did seem to slow down a bit on the car ride and until I got up to the hospital room. I assume my body kinda put things on hold while everything was changing. I know labors can get stuck if there is too much distracting mom, and I really appreciated that at the moment!

We got to the hospital, found a wheel chair, and had a hard time getting passed the front desk. They wanted all my information right then and didn’t seem to understand that I was not only in labor but ready to push. Apparently they thought I was too calm. I wondered if I needed to start screaming to get the point across. Someone finally wheeled me upstairs to a room. I remember her saying “You can tell me if you have a contraction.” I didn’t say anything but I was thinking “First of all, what good would that do? And second, I’ve already had 3 while you’ve been pushing me.” Chris pulled me out of the wheelchair and helped get my pants off and I climbed onto the bed on my hands and knees. I knew right then that I was gonna push that baby out no matter what anyone said. I announced my intention and the room was suddenly a flurry of activity. It all got kinda hazy at that point. I know there were people around me, flipping me onto my back, strapping on a monitor, clipping things on my finger, etc. I remember a nurse asking where the doctor was and telling someone to find him right away – multiple times. I remember Chris behind me and leaning against him. I remember being told to push, and push harder. Pretty much the only conscious thought I can remember was about the pushing. Lisa had told me at an appointment that we would take it really slow and carefully, and I remember thinking this was NOT slow, as the nurse next to me yelled “Push! Push! Push!” I was thinking “I AM pushing!” I remember feeling Chris’ excitement and people saying they could see the head. I wished I could be excited too, but I was working too hard to have any emotion at the moment. The nurse asked me multiple times if I wanted to reach down and feel my baby's head. I half wished I could, but I was too focused on pushing to even try to divert enough brain power to do that. There was a sudden whoosh of release, and the doctor announced it was a boy, Chris cut the cord (spraying blood everywhere,) and they whisked the baby off to the other side of the room to make sure he was ok. We had only been at the hospital for about 30 minutes.

This was the worst part of the whole experience for me, because suddenly, I was alone, Chris had gone to see the baby, the doctor was pushing on my stomach and it seemed even more painful than the whole labor process. The nurse stuck some needle into my leg (something to try to get the bleeding stop) and I started to realize the doctor was a little concerned about how much blood I was loosing. I started crying a little bit then. I just wanted my husband and my baby and for all the pain and strangers to melt away.

Chris came over and said “He definitely looks like a Miles. I think we should name him Miles.” (We had two boy names that I hadn’t been able to choose between. Miles had always been Chris’ favorite.) I was so frustrated because I hadn’t even SEEN him yet. The doctor, nurses, and my husband all got to hold him before I did. I hated that. I was his mama and I had such a hard time giving up that right to be the first to hold my baby. I tried to watch him over there with the nurses, Chris standing over their shoulders, but I was too distracted by the pain from the doctor pushing on my stomach and the stitches.

Pretty soon Chris brought him over and I held him for the first time. My little Miles. My son. All 10lbs 5oz of him. And that 15″ head. Yeah. No wonder I tore.

My mom had come to the hospital when we did and was waiting outside. The doctor talked to her on his way out, and it was only from that conversation that I ever had any idea how much blood I really lost. He said he was just thankful they didn't need to do a transfusion. He told my mom that he had only ever heard one little "ouch" out of me the whole time. "They don't make women like that any more." He said. My mom was so proud. Chris asked me if she could come in a few minutes later and I was so happy to see her. It was so special to have her there after all I had just been through and know I was her baby, and then get to introduce my baby to her.

Miles was just fine, but because of all my bleeding I needed to be at the hospital and would have likely ended up as an emergency transfer if we were not already there. That kiddo was just so big. God knew. He orchestrated all the timing just as I knew He would.

We finally got home two days later and I felt that life could begin again. I really don’t like hospitals. I’m thankful it was there when I needed it, and I do not truly regret the way things happened. I know I couldn’t have asked for a better outcome with circumstances as they were.

It was an amazing time getting to know this child, who was ours. To know him, as Miles, and not just “little one” or “the baby.” He is so precious.

----- It has been 16 months now since Miles was born and I am 5 months pregnant with our second. Looking back at how everything played out I am truly thankful. It was hard for me to not get the home birth I had dreamed of, and sure, there were things that happened at the hospital that I would never have chosen (such as no delayed cord clamping, having to fight to keep my baby with me, oh and the BILLS!) but all things considered I had nothing to truly regret. Now that I look toward the birth of our second I find I am finally struggling through some of the emotions and fears I expected after coming home from the hospital. I'm afraid I'll never get my home birth. I felt so prepared last time and then everything changed out side of my control, and I have no assurances that it won't happen again. When I picture introducing Miles to his little sibling it is always in a hospital setting, because that is all I've known. I am working hard to purge that picture from my mind. My midwife assures me that there is no reason for anything to go wrong this time and that we will accomplish our beautiful birth at home. I know I just have to trust God with these emotions, and to work through them as best I can. I know that LIFE is worth every struggle and it is such a privilege to be a mama and such a integral part of bringing life into the world.

Wow, what a journey! Thank you so much for sharing with us! Please leave Christy a comment here, if this story encouraged you! Also, you may want to visit her blog. http://www.chrisnchristy.com/