What do all the titles mean? CIO, AP, etc? What is the Big Deal???

If you are a mother now, you will soon realize that there are all sorts of debates, here or there that many mothers get into. Most mothers want what is best for their babies. But there are some that will go by what their mother taught them, they read in a book or on the internet and ignore any new research. Why? It worked for their relatives, the book people and plus, it sounds great.

This could pertain to anything from baby wearing to breastfeeding. I heard one mom claim that attachment parenting was a fad, a new fad, in fact. She was actually using biblical reasons for forgoing this "fad".

I would love to actually discuss and bring to the forefront that actually, some of the other parenting methods are the fads. The key components of attachment parenting have been around long before this century. I think that the idea AP is coming back around is more because it is what was done and is still done in many countries around the world. I used to stare at the foreign women that lived in the city, where I lived, trying to figure out how they kept that young child on their backs. I worked hard, outside on a piece of land, and had no place to set my baby down that was safe and longed for a way to safely wear him, just to keep him safe.

Baby wearing has been around since bible times. So has bed sharing. If you go to any historical forts and look at their sleeping arrangements, you will find that most pioneers and in history people were not as finicky about room and bed sharing as we are as spoiled Americans that believe we "need" our privacy. It didn't effect their marriage relationships too much. I think they had to use their imaginations a bit more. I have been in old cabins where there was one bed, very large bed above the oven for the whole family. Sometimes that included the grandparents as well.

This is not a fad. Much of it is going back to the roots of society.

However, I believe that above all, you need to make sure to check your heart in all things. But just because you have a wrong heart attitude about something, doesn't make it something wrong to do. I remember a mother telling me that she felt sewing had become an idol for her, so she was going to stop doing it. At that time, their family had no money, she had boxes of fabric and her children were wearing very worn out clothes. She chose to let them wear the worn clothing because she felt she had to give up her idol of sewing. I struggled with being obsessed with cooking. I remember thinking about it when my friend gave up sewing that perhaps I should step back from cooking. I immediately checked myself! I needed to change my heart attitude, not what I was doing. The same with attachment parenting...which was named by modern society. If your heart is not right about it, change it. But it doesn't make the actions of it wrong.

You want to battle it out?

There are plenty of mothers that will battle it out for you! Put 'em up!

Sleep training and the actual definition of the term "Cry-it-out" can bring up a lot of interesting thoughts. In 1985, Dr. Richard Ferber wrote a book about getting your babies to sleep. New mothers loved some of his ideas as it was formed to give them more sleep. His idea was that you can teach your babies to soothe themselves to sleep, rather than the traditional rocking the baby to sleep. This article from BabyCenter explains some of the ideas contained in the book. Here is another article by the author himself...The Truth about Ferberizing

Society was changing from the '70's where it went to some of the earth loving, peace loving, freedom society and parents were realizing that they were having to work two jobs, mothers didn't have time to cook, rock babies and they just were mostly too busy for it all. Ferberizing gave them the freedom to lay down the baby, ignore it, check to make sure he was okay occasionally, but mostly, you let the baby cry until he realized you were not coming for him, he gave up and went to sleep. This method is portrayed to work on every child, if done right.

However, Dr. Ferber has said that he did not agree with this (letting the child cry to no end). But still, much of what is in his book is still widely used by parents today, usually the ones that are sleep deprived, but occasionally, the selfish parent that is just done with the child.

I discovered in my research that some of Dr. Ferber's ideas were actually based on a book from the late 1800's. It is available on Gutenburg for free, if you are interested in reading it. The Care and Feeding of Children by L. Emmett Holt, M.D., LL.D.

The book is very interesting, but most of us would shudder in horror at what was advanced thinking at that time in child care and feeding. Yet, he was trying to encourage society for the best. This was addressing a more formal society, not the tribeswoman or pioneers that wore their babies, slept in a common room and breastfeeding was just second nature.

Many people will look back on past methods and claim "Those babies survived. My grandparents survived drinking cows milk at the age of 3 months, being aired outside in cages, and the like. Why can we say that it is not healthy now?" We have to look at the statistics as well. Infant mortality was much higher as well with this type of diets. Women gave birth to babies that were smaller, had faster deliveries often, but also lost a lot of children. It is common to also read books and families would have 2-4 living children, but gave birth to 8-10.

This is a book on infant mortality as far as it related to the occupation of the mother. Infant Mortality and It's relation to the employment of mothers.

If you read book that was by Jennifer Worth, the woman that wrote the books which inspired the "Call the Midwife" TV series. The books detail in very clear pictures, the issues that faced society, not all that long ago, where they were pushing some of the regimented schedules, feedings, and lack of care that women and children faced.

When we are evaluating a parenting style for ourself or others, let's be careful to look at a complete picture. Are we moving forward or going backward? Are we simply cycling around? Is baby-wearing a fad or something that promotes healthier babies for convenience?

When we seek info on a parenting decision, do we simply look to the internet for opinion based posts, or do we look to science based posts? Do we evaluate our decision based on society or what is really best for our own individual child?

Be careful not to parent through emotion, religious ideals or even sleep deprivation. Make sure to evaluate daily what we are doing for our children as they grow.