Judgement or Education? Are we all being too sensitive?

We have all seen the posts on different topics relating to mothering. The ones about mothers that feed their babies formula, and feel judged by breastfeeding mothers.

There are the posts about natural birth, parenting, co-sleeping, tummy sleeping, and parents that defend their choice from everything and anything.

If a person says anything, even in a kind way, certain parents tend to take offense. Instead of perhaps evaluating the concern, seeing it was not something you need to be worried about and letting it go, we seem to easily take offense these days.

Oh, I know. I know there are rabid people out there that will jump down your throat for small things, especially online. I think it is especially good to remember that not everyone that says something is that way.

1. Listen to the comment. Is this a comment that could possibly be helpful to you? Is it simply an ignorant statement from someone that does not know your circumstances? If so,  smile politely, thank them for their concern and move past it. There is no need to lambast them online or judge them in return. They may have though they were doing what was best. We also do not know their circumstances that led them to comment.  For the purpose of example… Greta was a new mom. She told her support team and her friends she desired to breastfeed. They knew this and supported her in her goals. However, when they observed some choices she was making with her new baby, they were unsure of what to do. A) Mention them to Greta so that breastfeeding could possibly still be successful, or B) Ignore it until she came to them for advice.  This is a hard choice as sometimes, as a support team, care providers or even casual friends, you can see things a mom cannot. There are sometimes simple things you can fix that can make the breastfeeding relationship that much harder or that much easier.  When the friends and support team chose the B option, Greta did come to her friends when her baby was 8 weeks old. She was suffering from guilt and mild PPD after believing her body let her down and she was unable to breastfeed her baby. Her friends felt guilty as maybe they could have prevented it, and Greta said "Why didn't you tell me? I would have loved to try everything I could have." Another option would be they chose option A. They let her know some simple things she could change. Greta became defensive, and cut off communication, believing they were judging her for her choices. She was secretly disappointed that breastfeeding did not go well, but instead read some of the articles about judgmental moms, friends, and medical provider and chose to focus on that instead. When she struggled with mild PPD later, she had no one she felt comfortable to turn to and wondered why life was so lonely, but figured she just needed to make new friends that could support her choice not to breastfeed.   There are a million variations that could have happened with either choice, but in both cases, Greta had the same results, but in both, she felt she lacked support. Did she lack support or did she choose to not be educated? Her friends in option A, were not trying to be unsupportive, in fact, they were trying to support what she had told them was her desire. Top that off with strong hormones and you have to realize that when you feel offended by an opinion that may be given to you. Stop. Process. Evaluate. And lastly…Educate Yourself. See if what they are saying could be true. If it is not, toss it out and move on. If it is, thank them and see what you can do about it. We as moms need support, and sometimes we reject the closest support to us because of hormonal issues. 

2. Educate yourself on topics. This does not mean reading a vast number of blogs written by Mommy bloggers. It usually means, ask your care provider, doula, support people whom you trust, whom they recommend. Here are a few that are reputable for information.                        

Kelly Mom                                                                                                                         

 LactMed- This one is good if you want to double check on a medication safety for breastfeeding.   

American Pregnancy                                                                                                             

 Naturally Born This is a good one to go and ask questions and search for articles.          

 FitPregnancy                                                                                                                            

There are many more, but use wisdom! Check out the list of books at the bottom of this page for more places for education. Remember before taking any advice from any online source, including this one, check with your care provider for your own personal safety.

3.  Let it go!!  Yeah, I know. That is overused, but really, don't hold it against your mother in law that she recommended using baby food at 2 months old, but thank her and let it go. If she insists, let her know the doctor did not recommend it. 

If a friend insists that you must have not done enough to try breastfeeding and you know you did, let it go. Don't try to convince her. She may have something that makes her believe that, and you likely are not going to convince her. 

Be educated and convinced in your own mind, but also, don't think automatically she is judging you. Remember most people if they are in your life, generally have your best in mind. 

When natural is not the best…how do I plan?

Often women that desire a natural birth plan the dickens out of their births. Some women keep it simple, and have some perspective, but others hold their birth plan up as the absolute gold standard by which their birth is made.

 I find that often when a client is writing up a birth plan, you should keep it short, to the point, covering the important things, but also realize this is more for you. It is a reminder for you more than anyone to be able to remember your plans and desires.

 But, what if your naturally planned birth doesn't go as planned? Babies and pregnancy is unpredictable, and often little things happen that require an intervention. Does this mean your birth plan is useless? I would answer and say no, if you have following my recommendations.

When you write up your birth plan, most women that are planning a natural birth include that they want a Hep-lock instead of an I.V. What happens if that I.V is needed? Does that mean you throw out the whole plan?

An I.V is needed in the case of an epidural, or a c-section to get enough fluids to prevent your blood pressure from dropping too low and in the case of blood loss at times. However, if you are not to that step yet, it is okay to ask to wait an hour or two, to decide on that, even when you feel you need an intervention.

I believe there is a tendency to try to feel like everything needs to be decided right now. Then when you do decide to go ahead with an intervention,  if it is not an emergency, often hospitals do not move very quickly. You are left with a lot of time to think about your decision.

In the case where you are faced with an unplanned c-section, I would really advise everyone to write out a short plan on c-sections.

For example, if you have a doula, talk to the care provider about having your doula in the c-section with you. It can make a huge difference in your mental recovery if you have support from more than just your husband in a c-section. Often, first it is scary to be taken to a surgical room, treated suddenly like a surgical patient, rather than them listening to your needs and you need someone that is focused on you and not the baby, (which your husband will be focused on the baby).

They can talk you through it, what is happening and stay with you if there is a problem with the baby. Sometimes, when things go awry, it seems like there is a higher likelihood of something happening with the baby, where they need to be separated from you. This can be really scary for a mom that is strapped down to a table, your husband walks across the room to be with the baby and is trying to tell you what is going on, but his mouth is covered by a mask and you don't know what he is saying. The panic sets in and complications can occur.

Many surgeons do not think about this. They are surgeons for a reason. They often like their patients sedated and do not think of their mental health in a surgery. For this reason, you need to plan ahead. Plan for support if you think there is a possibility of surgery, confirm and discuss with the care provider ahead of time that you will be having an extra support person. If they talk about how they only allow one person, there is not room etc. etc. You will need to push a bit. They allow students in surgeries all the time. They are generally concerned about liability if someone passes out. Make sure your support person is skilled and has attended surgery before, and has no history of fainting.

I have worked in different hospitals and found it curious that the one that is touted as the most "natural" has the worst policies as far as doulas and c-sections. It was as if they were naturally minded until you needed intervention and then they threw out all of that, and figured it was all a moot point.

I am going to be working on some education on that for the community benefit, but I am not exactly sure how it will happen.

For you, remember natural birth or not, if you educate yourself on all the options, give yourself the chance to make the decision, you will feel better about your choices. If you feel like you are simple taking their word for it, you will be feeling more out of control with your decisions.

Stay in charge of your birth, interventions or not. If they have a policy against something, educate yourself on those ahead of time.

Guest Post: Christy Ong- Home birth transfer story

We would love to welcome Christy to our blog today! She is going to share with us her beautiful birth story of her son Miles.

Sometimes when birth does not go exactly the way we planned, we can look back and learn from our experiences, take away the blessed moments and rejoice in them. I love how Christy shares her story and I hope you will as well!

January 18th was my official due date, though I had been telling everyone the 20th just because that was the original date I had come up with and 20ths are meaningful to us (dating and wedding anniversaries are both 20ths.) Both days came and went with nothing more than my traditional contractions that came every evening when my husband and I walked laps around our outdoor mall. They always went away after I got home and sat down.

I was very committed to waiting until baby was ready to come and tried really hard to not be impatient. At my 41wk midwife appointment I had the first twinge of really wanting to push things forward because once I hit 42wks I could no longer have a home birth by Colorado law. I trusted that God would direct the timing however and tried to quell my anxiousness. My midwife, Lisa, said that we would chat again on Friday (the 27th) and if nothing had happened we could discuss ways of starting some natural induction efforts.

I was also struggling with a horrible rash that we were assuming was PUPPPs. The itchiness was just about unbearable most nights and I would often lay awake in the dark crying and begging God for it to all be over. That rash was the absolute worst part of my pregnancy and was the biggest reason I wanted that baby OUT. I was told that it would disappear soon after birth, but in reality I continued to fight it for more than a month after my son was born.

I told myself I could make it at least until Friday. I wanted to give my baby all the time he/she needed. I knew God would give all the grace I needed to get through each moment. I did a lot of mental preparation that last week. I knew that birth was simply part of life and that God had given me everything I needed through Jesus. I repeated so many truths to myself over and over in those last weeks. I told myself that God would be near and give me strength. I told myself that pain is a necessary part of life and growth. I chose to embrace this birth as something I wanted and was choosing, not as something that was forced on me in order to get this child out of me. I told myself that I would accept and embrace the pain and choose to not take it out on anyone around me, but to let it do it’s work.

Despite all of this, I woke up Thursday morning with a feeling of urgency. Both God and my body were telling me it was time to take action. I felt that something wasn't quite right and I could no longer just wait for baby to pick the timing, but that I needed to step in and get things moving. I called my midwife and she was fully on board with following my gut and seeing what we could to do move things along, both for the baby’s sake, and because the rash was making me so miserable and exhausted. She, and the assisting midwife, Joanna, came over that afternoon to check me (first time that had been done) and strip my membranes. My midwife had actually never stripped membranes before but Joanna had and talked her through it. (Side note: I was truly struck at this point with how committed my midwife was to letting babies come on their own, and also how trusting she was of my gut feeling that something wasn't quite right, enough so to do something she had never done before.) She was very gentle and it hurt, but not too bad. Later Joanna did it again and I could tell she was much more confident. It hurt so, so much more that time! Lisa also had me start taking caster oil. That was the grossest thing I have ever put in my mouth. It is such a thick, oily stuff that I could hardly get it down without gagging and it coming right back up.

The midwives left for a while to give me some space and my mom and youngest brothers came over for a bit and walked around the yard with me. It was sweet to see how excited my mom was for her first born to have her first baby! I told Chris I would let him know when things started picking up, but he was too excited and just came home at lunch time. Mom and the boys left a bit after Chris got there. The midwives came back and checked me again, set up the birth room, and said to get some rest and call them later. Chris and I watched something on Netflix and then headed to bed about 9.

I had just put my nightgown on and was walking around the end of the bed when the first real contraction hit and stopped me in my tracks. I looked up at Chris with wide eyes. He asked, “A contraction?” and I just nodded. Once it passed I told him to call Lisa. She said to time them for a while and try to sleep if we could. I was completely exhausted from a long day of anticipation and walking and everything else (besides I was always exhausted at the end of the day at that point,) but I simply could not sleep. I don’t think it was even an hour before I asked Chris to call Lisa back and ask her to come. I’m not sure why I felt like I needed her there so soon, but I suddenly felt that she was my security blanket and I really wanted her to be there for my peace of mind.

I moved downstairs to the guestroom that was set up as our birth room. I quickly wanted nothing to do with moving around at all and spent the next few hours on my side only half conscious between contractions. Every hour or so I would have a particularly strong one that would make me vomit. I don’t know if that was a side affect of the caster oil or just the way my body responds to pain but it was icky either way. If I hadn't been so tired going into it I would have liked to try to be up and moving around but I was so very exhausted from the very beginning and slept as best I could between contractions. I never knew I could sleep for two minute snatches like that. Some time during the night Lisa said I could go ahead and get in the birthing pool and see if it helped me relax. I loved that thing and wasn't too happy when she wanted me to get back out a couple hours later so she could check me.

Breathing was my best friend during labor. The harder a contraction, the more I would relax and breathe through it. Sometimes I felt like I was hardly conscious, hardly “there” at all. Chris could not even tell when I was having contractions most of the night except when Lisa was having us time them. I had wondered frequently how I would handle the pain of labor but I found that as things got more intense I was able to completely pull into myself and focus on breathing and coping and stay totally calm. I know all my mental preparation in the weeks before really helped. I had no conscious thoughts of talking myself through things during labor (I hardly had any conscious thoughts at all) but I know the truth was there, embedded in my subconscious, and was a huge part of my ability to stay calm and relaxed.

I had terrible back labor almost from the start. I hardly even noticed my stomach contracting because the back pain was so awful. At some point in the early morning hours I remember thinking that I wasn’t sure how much longer my back could take that kind of intense cramping. I asked Lisa how much longer she thought it might be. She said it didn’t seem like things were progressing very quickly based on my pain level. She said it needed to get a lot worse before much was going to happen. I was disappointed and a little overwhelmed because I didn’t know if I could handle much worse. If I lost control I knew bad things would happen. I wondered if she just couldn’t tell how bad it really was, but I figured I probably just had no idea how bad it was really going to get. Looking back I think I just hid pain really well because I was progressing faster than we thought.

I moved back and forth between the pool and lying on my side on the bed most of the night. Chris sat in a chair near me. I probably seemed to ignore him, but I was always relieved each time I opened my eyes and saw him there. I needed his presence.

At one point Lisa came in and sent Chris upstairs to rest for a bit, saying she would sit with me. I was semi-reclining in the pool with my eyes closed most of the time. We suddenly heard a really strange noise. I opened my eyes and looked at Lisa. We were both puzzled by it. She got up and looked around the room. We wondered if it could be an alarm of some kind. It was just a steady, sort of high pitched whine. Eventually we realized that it was a hole in the side of the pool leaking air! She asked me if we had any duct tape and I was able to tell her exactly where I had last seen it. She teased me about it later. Here I was in hard labor, hardly able to speak most of the time, and describing exactly on what shelf in the laundry room the duct tape was sitting.

I lost all concept of time during most of my labor but I remember the sun finally coming up and a little bit later Lisa and Joanna checked me again. I was getting a feeling that Lisa was concerned I wasn’t progressing very fast. I felt like there was a little bit of tension in the room. Finally Lisa announced that I was about 9cm and almost completely effaced. Everyone was so relieved. I had been feeling that I was getting close but I was unsure of myself because I had never done this before. Joanna gave me a back rub and some counter pressure during contractions and I was amazed to find how much it helped. I wished I had thought to ask for that before. From then on things seemed to get moving and everyone was much more involved. I had someone press on my back with every contraction. I was relieved to find that help and thought maybe I could handle more after all.

Around 9 in the morning Joanna checked me again, said I was complete, and broke my water. Only a couple minutes later I felt the urge to push, however Lisa and Joanna came back in the room with some hard news. Lisa said that there was quite a bit of meconium in the water which could mean the baby was under stress, and also be dangerous if the baby had aspirated any of it. She said everything was probably just fine but she wanted us to transfer to the hospital just in case the baby needed extra care. I think Chris and I just stared blankly for a minute. We felt we were so close to meeting our little one, and now everything was changing. We totally trusted Lisa’s judgment and knew this was a very hard decision for her and I remember nodding in agreement because I knew she wouldn’t make us transfer unless she really felt it was necessary. At the same time I remember thinking that maybe if I just pushed that baby out right there she couldn’t make me go. I did not see how I could possibly get dressed, get in the car and go to the hospital right then. Chris brought me dry clothes and tried to help me get dressed and moved to the car. I glared at him and mostly refused to move. My contractions were right on top of each other and I was not the least bit happy about what they were making me do. I’m sure I made it difficult. I was practically dragged across the house. They did finally get me in the car on my hands and knees and Lisa sat next to me while Chris drove and Joanna followed behind. I was so thankful the hospital was only 7 minutes away. It seemed like such a long 7 minutes.

I had told myself over and over in the last weeks of pregnancy that no matter how I felt I did not need to take it out on others. I remember quietly asking Lisa to push on my back (though maybe with a tinge of desperation,) even though I felt like screaming at the world. I was honestly shocked at how well I was able to stay calm and composed. Something in me just new that the moment I gave in to the pain I would loose all control and it would be a fast down hill road. Things did seem to slow down a bit on the car ride and until I got up to the hospital room. I assume my body kinda put things on hold while everything was changing. I know labors can get stuck if there is too much distracting mom, and I really appreciated that at the moment!

We got to the hospital, found a wheel chair, and had a hard time getting passed the front desk. They wanted all my information right then and didn’t seem to understand that I was not only in labor but ready to push. Apparently they thought I was too calm. I wondered if I needed to start screaming to get the point across. Someone finally wheeled me upstairs to a room. I remember her saying “You can tell me if you have a contraction.” I didn’t say anything but I was thinking “First of all, what good would that do? And second, I’ve already had 3 while you’ve been pushing me.” Chris pulled me out of the wheelchair and helped get my pants off and I climbed onto the bed on my hands and knees. I knew right then that I was gonna push that baby out no matter what anyone said. I announced my intention and the room was suddenly a flurry of activity. It all got kinda hazy at that point. I know there were people around me, flipping me onto my back, strapping on a monitor, clipping things on my finger, etc. I remember a nurse asking where the doctor was and telling someone to find him right away – multiple times. I remember Chris behind me and leaning against him. I remember being told to push, and push harder. Pretty much the only conscious thought I can remember was about the pushing. Lisa had told me at an appointment that we would take it really slow and carefully, and I remember thinking this was NOT slow, as the nurse next to me yelled “Push! Push! Push!” I was thinking “I AM pushing!” I remember feeling Chris’ excitement and people saying they could see the head. I wished I could be excited too, but I was working too hard to have any emotion at the moment. The nurse asked me multiple times if I wanted to reach down and feel my baby's head. I half wished I could, but I was too focused on pushing to even try to divert enough brain power to do that. There was a sudden whoosh of release, and the doctor announced it was a boy, Chris cut the cord (spraying blood everywhere,) and they whisked the baby off to the other side of the room to make sure he was ok. We had only been at the hospital for about 30 minutes.

This was the worst part of the whole experience for me, because suddenly, I was alone, Chris had gone to see the baby, the doctor was pushing on my stomach and it seemed even more painful than the whole labor process. The nurse stuck some needle into my leg (something to try to get the bleeding stop) and I started to realize the doctor was a little concerned about how much blood I was loosing. I started crying a little bit then. I just wanted my husband and my baby and for all the pain and strangers to melt away.

Chris came over and said “He definitely looks like a Miles. I think we should name him Miles.” (We had two boy names that I hadn’t been able to choose between. Miles had always been Chris’ favorite.) I was so frustrated because I hadn’t even SEEN him yet. The doctor, nurses, and my husband all got to hold him before I did. I hated that. I was his mama and I had such a hard time giving up that right to be the first to hold my baby. I tried to watch him over there with the nurses, Chris standing over their shoulders, but I was too distracted by the pain from the doctor pushing on my stomach and the stitches.

Pretty soon Chris brought him over and I held him for the first time. My little Miles. My son. All 10lbs 5oz of him. And that 15″ head. Yeah. No wonder I tore.

My mom had come to the hospital when we did and was waiting outside. The doctor talked to her on his way out, and it was only from that conversation that I ever had any idea how much blood I really lost. He said he was just thankful they didn't need to do a transfusion. He told my mom that he had only ever heard one little "ouch" out of me the whole time. "They don't make women like that any more." He said. My mom was so proud. Chris asked me if she could come in a few minutes later and I was so happy to see her. It was so special to have her there after all I had just been through and know I was her baby, and then get to introduce my baby to her.

Miles was just fine, but because of all my bleeding I needed to be at the hospital and would have likely ended up as an emergency transfer if we were not already there. That kiddo was just so big. God knew. He orchestrated all the timing just as I knew He would.

We finally got home two days later and I felt that life could begin again. I really don’t like hospitals. I’m thankful it was there when I needed it, and I do not truly regret the way things happened. I know I couldn’t have asked for a better outcome with circumstances as they were.

It was an amazing time getting to know this child, who was ours. To know him, as Miles, and not just “little one” or “the baby.” He is so precious.

----- It has been 16 months now since Miles was born and I am 5 months pregnant with our second. Looking back at how everything played out I am truly thankful. It was hard for me to not get the home birth I had dreamed of, and sure, there were things that happened at the hospital that I would never have chosen (such as no delayed cord clamping, having to fight to keep my baby with me, oh and the BILLS!) but all things considered I had nothing to truly regret. Now that I look toward the birth of our second I find I am finally struggling through some of the emotions and fears I expected after coming home from the hospital. I'm afraid I'll never get my home birth. I felt so prepared last time and then everything changed out side of my control, and I have no assurances that it won't happen again. When I picture introducing Miles to his little sibling it is always in a hospital setting, because that is all I've known. I am working hard to purge that picture from my mind. My midwife assures me that there is no reason for anything to go wrong this time and that we will accomplish our beautiful birth at home. I know I just have to trust God with these emotions, and to work through them as best I can. I know that LIFE is worth every struggle and it is such a privilege to be a mama and such a integral part of bringing life into the world.

Wow, what a journey! Thank you so much for sharing with us! Please leave Christy a comment here, if this story encouraged you! Also, you may want to visit her blog. http://www.chrisnchristy.com/

Guest Post from Janelle- Natural Birth after Medicated one- My Story!

We are excited to have Janelle Troyer here to share with us about her birth experiences as well as having a natural birth after a medicated one. Welcome to the blog, Janelle!

I’m the proud mommy to 6 wonderful blessings ranging in age from 11 to 8 months old. When I started having children, I never thought I’d have 3 children, let alone 6. We had the very typical mind-set of “We’ll have 2, 3 if the first 2 are the same gender…maybe”. My view toward child birth was also very typical. With my first, I watched A Baby Story and Birth Day on Discovery Health and learned all I could about this very “medical” process of child birth. I learned all about the interventions that are very common in a hospital birth (which, of course, I was having—who gives birth in any other way?). As my due date got closer, I wrote up my birth plan. I knew I wanted my baby to nurse as soon as possible. I didn’t want her to have any pacifiers, lest she get “nipple confusion”, and I had decided that an epidural sounded like a very good option. I’d tough it out as long as I could and when I couldn’t stand it any longer (but no sooner than 6cm!), I’d get an epidural. That’s what I learned on the shows and it sounded good to me.

I ended up going 10 days overdue (which was WAY more than enough for me) and was thrilled when they decided to admit me and induce my labor. I was so excited to meet my baby girl, and so tired of being pregnant that I just wanted to get the show on the road. I had no idea what to expect. It was painful! I knew it’d be painful, so that wasn’t surprising…but when they finally checked me and said that I was at a 6, I was THRILLED to see the anesthesiologist and get my epidural. Everything went as it was supposed, I progressed quickly and gave birth with no pain and no real sensation. So that is how it’s done. Not too shabby, eh?

When I gave birth to baby #2, I went for an induction again. This time it was for a different reason. With my first, my husband was deployed and was halfway across the world when our daughter was born. It was very difficult and I was not risking him missing the birth of our second baby…so I was induced 2 days before my due date. With this one, I had heard about something called an intrathecal. It’s similar to an epidural in that it goes in your back, but it’s a one time shot and lasts for a shorter period of time. I thought it sounded like a good option—my cousin had one and she raved about it. Well then, if it was good for her, it was good for me! I again toughed it out as long as I could, got the intrathecal at around 5-6cm and was shocked when it wore off in 45 minutes!! They came in to give me another shot, but before they could do it, I had to push. A couple of pushes later, my second beautiful daughter came into the world. This time I was able to experience the thrill of the urge to push. I felt her being born and honestly, it was a high like no other! I realized what I had missed in having an epidural with NO sensation with my first. “If” I ever had another baby, I thought that maybe I could be one of those crazy ladies who chooses to deliver without ANY meds. What a revolutionary idea!

Praise the Lord, we decided to try for a boy. The Lord blessed us with what we desired with a precious baby boy for baby #3. This was the first baby I really, really wanted to give birth to without medication. I thought I could do it, but when the Pitocin kicked in (yes, I was induced again), my uterus was hyper-stimulated and I could NOT endure the constant, long contractions. I have a fairly high pain threshold, but I could not open my eyes I was in so much pain. I was BEGGING for an epidural. They told me they needed to get a bolus going and once the fluids were in, I could have my epidural. I remember saying, “Give me the bag of fluid, I’ll DRINK it!” I needed that epidural. As soon as the epidural was inserted, my face started getting tingly. I told the anesthesiologist that and his response was, “Hmmm, interesting”. Not something you really want to hear. The nurses were all quiet and watching my monitors. My blood pressure dropped to 90/30. They turned me to my left side and I started praying. I was so upset. I kept thinking, “Because I wimped out and went for the epidural, now I’m going to die!!!’ I had to give myself a mental kick in the pants and remind myself that I was giving BIRTH here…LIFE was going on, not death. Within a short period of time, my blood pressure came back up and I was ready to push. Praise the Lord, from that point forward, everything went fine and my darling little boy was in my arms, as perfect as can be.

#4 was another induction—are you seeing a theme here? I hadn’t yet caught onto the whole idea of waiting for the Lord’s timing. I’d get so impatient at the end of a pregnancy, there was always a good reason to “get the show on the road”. This was no exception. We were moving…we needed to have this baby and move, so when induction was mentioned, I jumped on the idea. I really didn’t want an epidural this time. I actually asked for an intrathecal due to what had happened with my previous epidural, but I was told that an epidural is a much better option, they could give me less medication, they’d monitor my blood pressure and so on and so forth. Unfortunately, I had another bad experience. The placement was all wrong. One leg was completely dead while I still felt the other as well as all of the contractions. At one point my leg was lifted and let go of and nearly fell off of my bed (that sure would have been very painful to my poor, overstretched hips) because I was so numb I could do NOTHING to stop it. Thankfully someone was there and caught it. It was horrible. It took at least 6 hours after delivery before I could walk again.

With #5 I was NOT going to have an epidural. But I was induced again at 10 days overdue. I was feeling extreme pressure and like I was sure I was in transition, but when the nurse came in and checked me and told me I was only at a 5, I gave up. “There is no way I can do this if I’m only at a 5”. The anesthesiologist was called. She was wonderful. She assured me everything was going to be just fine. She inserted the epidural with me lying in the fetal position—let me just say, any anesthesiologist who does it in any other way than this during labor is just mean. This was the ONLY time I’ve had it done in this manner, and it was so much better than the “bend over and arch your back and hold very still” method. While she was inserting it, I kept saying, “I need to push, I need to push”. As soon as she was done, the nurse called the doctor who was 20 minutes away to come in. That wasn’t going to work…when I said I needed to push, I NEEDED to push. They grabbed the nearest doctor out of the hallway and my baby girl was delivered!!! The epidural was removed immediately and I was so glad that I got to experience the intensity of the urge to push again and so happy that the epidural didn’t seem to have any ill effect. I knew that I should have trusted my instincts that although I was told I was only at a 5, delivery was imminent. Apparently I’m not one of those women who is in tune with my body…I had believed what the nurse had said and had caved to the thought that I was not strong enough to endure. I had been told, “Just when you think you can’t do it another minute, that’s when you know it’s almost over” and I ignored that wisdom.

Thankfully, God in His wonderful love and mercy decided to bless us with another child…and give me another chance to trust Him and the natural birth process He had created. This time I decided that no one was getting Pitocin anywhere near me. A friend of mine who had also been induced with all of her babies had recently given birth at home (on accident!) and assured me that it childbirth without Pitocin is a horse of a different color. Boy was she right! God was also merciful to me in that I only went 3 days overdue with this baby. I didn’t even know that I was in labor. I was having contractions whenever I’d stand or walk, but as long as I sat, nothing happened. I called my parents and told my husband that I thought we should go to the hospital, just to have them check me. He didn’t think it was anything, but decided to humor me. While I waited for my husband to put our son to bed and waited for my friend to arrive to watch my children, I went for a walk around the block with my son. I had to stop every 1-2 minutes. WHEW! I still didn’t think it was full blown labor though. It took us quite a while to get home and when I sat down, the contractions stopped. Just what I thought…just a false alarm. Oh well, we were going to the hospital regardless—can you believe I even told my parents that since they were coming down, I’d go ahead and be induced if it was nothing?!??! Hadn’t I learned my lesson?? Thankfully God is good—always! I had not a one contraction on the way to the hospital. As soon as I got out of the car, I had a big one. I had them every 1-2 minutes on the walk to labor and delivery. They hemmed and hawed about whether to put me in a room or to keep me in triage. Thankfully they decided on a room. They did not think I was in labor—at all. They checked me and said I was at 4cm. They told me to walk for 1 hour and they’d check me again. I walked and I stopped, walked and breathed. The contractions were coming steady and strong, but still very bearable. After the hour they checked me and told me I was at a 6—so definitely active labor!! I could not believe it. It was NOTHING like the induced labors I had experienced in the past. I had never made it to 6 without begging for mercy!! They had me get into bed so that they could start my IV and I had a quick bite to eat. I had one very strong contraction that kind of surprised me, but in general they were painful, but nothing like I’d experienced in the past. I labored for a short time while we waited for my doctor to arrive to break my water. The contractions continued, but were still bearable. Definitely nothing I’d want to have pain relief for. When my doctor arrived and checked me, he informed me that I was at an 8. WHAT?!?! 8cm with relatively little pain? Was this even possible? He broke my water and said, “Call me when you need me!” This is the same doctor who missed my previous delivery, so I joked with him not to go too far. The contractions came fast and strong. It was hurting. It was hurting pretty bad…it was hurting pretty bad, but OH THE PRESSURE. THE PRESSURE. Oh my, I needed to push….NOW. With no medication masking the natural process, it was so clear what my body was doing. I was so in tune to my body. Someone ran for the doctor and even though he was only at the nurses station, he barely made it in time to catch my beautiful baby boy in his arms. It was the most wonderful experience I had. My body knew exactly what to do…it sent all the signals I needed because I had not interfered with the process. It was perfect. This was also the only birth were I did not tear. I was up and out of bed within a very short period of time because I didn’t have any medication to recover from. I felt FANASTIC! I even realized that I was still wearing my street clothes because everything had happened so fast, I hadn’t even had a chance to change.

It took me 6 children to realize the innate strength and wisdom the Lord has put into our bodies. While I don’t think there is anything inherently “wrong” with pain relief in child birth, I realized that it had inhibited me from being fully aware and present in the process and I missed out on so much. The Lord has blessed us with another pregnancy and if I get the honor of giving birth yet another time, I now know the difference between a birth with medical intervention and one where my body does what it has been created to do naturally. And knowing what I know now, I’d never choose any other way.

Wow, those are quite the stories, Janelle! Thank you so much for sharing those with us! We really appreciate it!